Stop caring what other people think of me

I am so over it all, my life concerns me and God, everyone else “don’t have nan’ nickel in this DIME!”
I don’t care what you think or what you want to say, the only person who can and will judge me, is GOD, stop acting like your sh!t don’t stink!

While I was home, I had a wonderful time. I saw everyone I wanted to see, I had a GREAT time hanging with my brothers, it was great, but my last night- my Nana just had to say something… My mother, who rarely cooks, broiled some steaks for my brother and I & my mom was cooking late it was about 8:30p, my nana believes when you eat and go to sleep, you get fat and so she told my mother that it was her fault that I was fat, since she cooked late all the time and now I have that habit (aaggggghhhhhhh!!!)
a few things, 1. I am a curvy girl, noone in my family is stick thin, I love my curves (I am on a mission to slim some, but not all of them) 2. How can she say “its my mom’s fault”? and lastly, my break through- when my mother told me what my nana said, I told my mom to tell Nana to LOOK IN THE MIRROR…she is no size 2, 14 OR 18….
It felt so GOOD to finally fire back..Soooo good. I meant no dissrespect, that is still Nana, but family should know that they can’t just say ANYTHING to you like that…sheesh….

I think part of what the issue with this goal is, our jealousy. I found this to be true last night. I was out with my roommate, whom I love—however (still working on this) I was secretly comparing myself to her, how many guys approached us…danced with us…etc (Insecurity…work in progress) I had a good time, but it could’ve been better…instead of watching her and becoming jealous I should’ve just enjoyed the night out with my roomie (which is rare). I found myself annoyed and 2nd guessing myself which I am sure was written all over my face (not good).
My roommate is from another culture (East Africa) and I learn a lot from her and her different point of view…one point she always says is that she is not in charge of anyones happiness but her own, and I feel like I should’ve taken that advice. I let what was going on with her effect me and my good time…Im not beating myself up becuz I am human and a work in progress and although I don’t want to get caught up in my “progress” rather than living- this whole event made me realize the difference between being envious and jealous.
Jealousy I think comes from a more negative place whereas you can be envious and still wish joy for someone. I was kind of being bitchy toward her, and I didn’t like it one bit…I wish (envious) that I had that kind of freedom she has (more control)...she doesn’t care what other people think…I am learning, like her- to just live my life.

I having been living my life, enjoying most of it..but then there are people, who point out certain things that just rain on my d@mn parade….
I have these rare moments, when I reflect and really smile that I have stepped out of this stuffy, scared, repressed stage and I am embracing a new vision…living my life like its golden…but I am still a little concerned about how people view me…I don’t want to…I don’ feel out of control…like Im so far out to the left….Im in the moment

I am learning to care, appreciate, and love me….
only my opinion counts….Self love is the goal
Until I can completely love me…and do what is healthy for me always…This will always be a challenge….which--Is—OK

I feel like I am making progress, I no longer want to stay silent or bend backwards for people…Its about loving YOU more than thing or one 1st (except GOD). Im learning to be selfish…in a good way