Make my health my priority

We went to the island hospital on Friday, and I’m glad for this.
I had a long talk with the Principal (the doctor who arranged all this and who read my test results), and she thinks there is nothing to worry about with me. Seems like my vertigos are a result of the inner ear nerve inflammation, and that I am overly stressed and should, if in any way possible, look for another job. As for the cyst in my brain, she agreed that it was probably something I was born with and shouldn’t really worry about, aside from having it MRI’d once a year, or even once every 2 years.
She also sent me to a neurologist and a psychologist.

The neurologist…blah. I didn’t like her one bit. I told her why I wasn’t taking the meds that my audiologist prescribed (because I had 3 other expert opinions telling me that they wouldn’t help), and she called me “unwilling to take therapy”. I objected to this, but she wasn’t really ready to listen. Are all neurologists such jerks?

Anyway, she demanded another test, which I will have done here, and we parted ways.

Now the psychologist was super nice. She did a number of tests on me, from answering questions to joining wooden bricks, and we talked for a while. She asked me about my depression and told me I was a very brave person and should be very proud of myself, which is a totally new concept for me, but she told me it can be learned.
The results of her evaluation are not done yet, but I expect them in the mail sometime next week.

I will take time off from worrying about my health for a few days, I feel I need it. It’s all good for now, I’m moving forward.

I’m up at this ungodly hour because we’re taking a 2 hour drive to get a second opinion from a neurologist for me and my Mum. My Mum knows this doctor and has arranged all this, which is good, because she is a great specialist, but difficult to get hold of.
I’m a little scared because when I emailed her my test results some 10 days ago, I hoped that she would look at them and tell me I had nothing to worry about, but instead she insisted I came to see her, so here I am. My eyes are closing but my stomach is awake…wish me luck.

Here goes the latest developments: when I had the third MRI done, they discovered the lump of fat was in fact only some misplaced bone marrow, apparently nothing to be worried about. They also discovered a cyst in my temporal lobe, also nothing to be worried about, as I have probably gotten this cyst at birth.

I took the test results to my neurologist, and she distanced herself immediately. I guess she was hoping for some more “interesting” results, but instead, she kept literally attacking me for not wanting to have kids, and for taking antidepressants.
She claimed that I could not in fact be depressed because I was young and healthy. Which cave did this woman crawl out of????
Oh, and she seems to think my depression is a way for me to avoid taking responsibility for my own actions in life. No comment.

She tried to persuade me to stop taking ADs, or to lower the dosage, and I said I don’t intend to do anything like that without the approval of my therapist, who I saw only 4 days earlier and who told me to go on with my therapy. Then the neurologist went on and on about all the medical congresses the has attended – New York, Rome, etc. WTF?
As a great finale, she asked me: “But you are feeling better, aren’t you?” and when I said I wasn’t, she said “Oh, OK.” And closed my file map. WTF??!!!??

Obviously, I will go after another (more competent and involved) doctor’s opinion.

Then last week I started physical therapy, which is pleasant, but I’m not feeling any results yet.

The good news is that the sick leave board signed me off until Sept.30th, so I will be going back to work on Oct.3rd.
Plenty more time for me to rest and regroup, and for that I am very grateful.

_{First and foremost, thank you all for sending good wishes and vibes and baring with me while I write nothing but my reports from tests and appointments. This just has to be done.}

On Wednesday, I had an MRI. And then another MRI. And then a CAT scan. And then I consulted with the radiologist, who only insisted I talked to my neurologist.

Seems like I have a lump of fat inside my head, believe it or not, on the tip of a bone that goes right to the scull. Because they don’t know if that is what is causing all my problems, my neurologist wants me take yet another MRI, this time in another town, on the most powerful machine currently available. So I’ll be doing some road trippin’ after all this summer…off to check my silly head again on Monday.

What I really didn’t want to hear was when she said she will possibly want a neurosurgeon to “take a look” at some point, but I would probably be put on long-term medication that will take care of vertigo and headaches, once we know what’s causing them.

Yippie-bloody-yay.

as I renamed the goal something got mixed up, so I just want to link the last entry to this goal to have it here.

Today I saw both an audiologist and a neurologist.
At audiology they did a hearing test and scheduled me for another test early Monday morning. They want to check my balance so they will pour liquid down my ear, bleurgh!!! I overheard someone mention Meniere’s disease. I can’t say I was too happy about it…

The neurologist wants me to take an EEG and vein color doppler, just like I anticipated, and then we’ll know more.

There is something wrong, though, because yesterday I struggled with vertigo literally all day long. It sucks, you know?

Onward.

This is the short version of the story: I collapsed (fainted) about 2 months ago, for no apparent reason. Then, about a month ago, I nearly collapsed again. Also, I’ve been experiencing some dreadful dizzy spells, my fingers tingle, and so does the back of my neck and part of my head. I yawn constantly. But what really scared me is the fact that when I close my eyes, I lose all sense of space almost immediately…and I tend to bump into walls (and other things) very frequently.
So I told my therapist all this, and she asked for an urgent neurology check-up.
I called my health insurance and they arranged it all for me at a fancy private clinic. My GP told me to take my psychiatrist’s note to the neurologist, and so I did. But, when I came to his office, he dismissed me promptly and was more concerned with my “psychological problems” than anything else. In short, he treated me like a nutcase who didn’t have anything better to do with her time. He also told me he couldn’t do an EEG because they didn’t have it at the clinic at all. So much for fanciness.
Then, on Tuesday, I felt really sick at the office: I lost sense of space and direction, my knees felt soft and wobbly, my hands trembled terribly, I was dizzy, had trouble swallowing and was drenched in sweat. IB looked concerned and told me to sit down, and that he was going out for coffee but would be back shortly. There is absolutely no end to this man’s awfulness…

I called B and he came over and took me to the ER, where they were just about to let me go home, after having checked my temperature, blood pressure and sugar levels (all fine), when a doctor I knew personally appeared, God bless her. She did a Romberg’s test on me and when she saw how I walked with my eyes closed, she gave me a prescription and wrote down all the tests I should take: a neurology test, an audiology test, thyroid hormones check, and cervical spine X-ray.
The last two I did on Wednesday (again at the fancy clinic), and while my thyroid is fine (yay!), I have several problems with my spine: spondylosis, osteochondrosis, lordosis. The good news is that my bone tissue is thick and healthy.

Then, on August 3rd, I have an appointment with a neurologist, this time at the state clinic, so hopefully he will send me to do an EEG or the vein color doppler, or both.
On Monday, I’m making an appointment with an audiologist to check my inner ear.

So much to do! BUT, the good news is: I’m on holiday! I simply never went back to the office, and told them over the phone that I’ll be gone until Aug 16th. They weren’t very happy, but frankly, I couldn’t care less. Honestly, all the guilt is gone. I answered the phone 11 times yesterday when they called me all panicky and gave them the answers (work related), but no more than that. I didn’t offer to come in, I didn’t feel bad inside, nothing.

Even though this is not the happiest post, it feels damn good to be writing it from home, taking care of myself and watching my progress.
I am moving onward.

Went to the doctor again yesterday, since I’ve been in severe pain now for 4 days. It seems I have acute gastritis which makes it impossible for me to stand up straight, it hurts so bad.
The doc prescribed me some pills to take for 28 days, then another set if they work, and if not, she will have me in gastroscopy in September. She also told me I should avoid spicy food such as sausages, which goes to show how well she knows me, since I haven’t had a sausage in over 13 years.

I know my diet consists of too much dry food, but that will happen if you work for 11-13 hours every day. When I get home I usually have a light salad or nothing at all, I don’t stuff myself, and I don’t drink caffeinated drinks (cokes and such), except for the morning coffee to wake up. Obviously, not much I can change in that department.

So, happily, now I have to take 4 pills each day just to function, and a tube to be shoved down my throat on the horizon.

At night, I have to almost sit in bed, because lying down is way too painful. I manage this somehow mostly because I’m going through an incredible bout of insomnia and have to persuade my brain to go sleep even for 2-3 hours every night.

I am not a happy girl at the moment.

I really should add an entry here, considering the number of times I saw a doctor in the last few weeks.
I had my blood and urine checked and everything seems to be fine and dandy, yay. The admission nurse, who checks all my test results and prescriptions, in an attempt to make a joke at an awkward moment, said that it was a good thing the rest of my body was working well since my head obviously wasn’t.

I’ve also dealt with the dentist, which was huge, health-wise for me.

A few more docs in January or February, and this goal is finally going down.
About damn time, too.

This goal includes a general medical check-up, attending to a condition which I have and have been ignoring for a shamefully long time, and a visit to the dentist’s which is now a distant memory.
I’m scared of doctors, scared of some possible bad news and with my head in the sand I can pretend everything’s OK.
I know it’s irresponsible, childish and stupid, but I can’t handle making my way through the bureaucratic system, satisfying someone’s egomaniacal needs and waiting for test results…it’s just to much.
Heap of sand, here I come.