Try meditation

except, AS USUAL, I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME REMEMBER. I’m EXPRESSING MY FRUSTRATION VIA THE MEDIUM OF CAPS.

It was ingenious, but I’m going to struggle to describe it, largely because I CAN’T FREAKING REMEMBER. But the cast of The Wire was involved. Except the story had nothing to do with The Wire. McNulty is engaged in this battle of wits with the world around him. The world around him is for whatever reason constantly trying to trap him, catch him, outsmart him – and McNulty is using his wits to fight back. But every time he wins, the puzzle changes. I can’t possibly explain it. I can try. The plot was like a Rubik’s Cube. A Rubik’s Cube made by M. C. Escher. Except every time it gets solved, it turns into a completely different puzzle, also made by Escher. It was also like – you know in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, when every time Joel turns, the world around him changes into a completely different scene? It’s a bit like that too. But the best thing about it was, just like Escher’s work, it made sense – even though it seemed like it shouldn’t. Every time McNulty outsmarts the world around him somehow, the whole thing changes, the plot twists and folds into itself, and… I don’t know what to tell you. It was ingenious, and if I remembered it I’d already have it typed out as a screenplay by now.

Oh and, I think I was playing McNulty, as I woke up with tired legs like I’d been running.

You know they say that our only being able to use 10% of our brains is a myth. But my dreams sure make me feel like it’s true. And I don’t know how to access it. Why show it to me if I can’t do anything with it, if I always end up forgetting most of it?

Oh, the reason I wrote this under the meditation goal: last night for the first time I tried meditating in bed, right before sleep. And I don’t know if that had anything to do with it, but you bet I’m gonna try it again tonight, and if I can for the rest of this week. And I’ll have a notepad and a pen right next to the bed, to give me at least some slim hope of getting it down before it slips away from me again.

One problem I’ve been having is that I keep nodding off during meditation! (My thoughts aren’t that boring I swear! :) ) So I did it one day standing up, and it’s workable. Also, you don’t really need to close your eyes, do you? I don’t know why I had it in my head that you have to, but I checked the article I linked to in the other entry and it doesn’t say anywhere that you have to close your eyes.

It’s still hard to not engage with my thoughts as they come up, but I’m feeling less restless during the meditation. Hopefully in time I’ll get the hang of it :)

doing the most basic thing of sitting still for 20 minutes and trying to observe my thoughts. I have a question though – do you have to sit absolutely still? If your nose is really itching, can you move to scratch it? (It was, and I did.)

I was struggling a little to observe my thoughts rather than just think them and splash around in them and probably drown in them. And fall asleep. I was a bit tired :)

But I’d like to try doing this as a long-term thing – apparently you feel the benefits after a while. I’m not sure whether it’s better to do this in the morning or at night – I’m going to try adding this to my morning routine and see how it goes.

this – a bunch of mindful meditation mp3s from the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. Have only tried the first couple, but they seem quite good.

Also found this, which is slightly easier to digest than the Wikipedia article on meditation. It had this to say:

Meditation techniques are designed to help people grow a larger perspective on the contents of their mind. With this perspective, people can move from being their moment to moment worries and desires, to having their moment to moment worries and desires. Instead of being worried, people can start to understand that they are experiencing a worrying feeling. The same old worries and desires are still there after growing the new perspective, but now they are things you can manipulate and choose whether to take seriously or not, rather than things that define you as a person. Because the new perspective allows you to view your mental landscape in a new and powerfully freeing way, it is sometimes referred to as the “witness consciousness”.

The term “meditation” refers to a family of methods; not to a single one. Any method that promotes the growth of the witness consciousness, the expanded perspective from which to view ones mind can be said to be meditation.

The most commonly used method for meditating could not be simpler to do. You simply sit on the floor with your legs crossed (or sit in a chair, or lay down, depending on what is comfortable), and then quiet yourself and remain there. This will feel incredibly unnatural at first. You will likely experience an urge to move around, to scratch, or to get up and do something. You may even experience some anxiety. This is okay. The nature of the task is to simply observe these urges and sensations as they occur, and then to let them go when they are no longer urgent. Don’t act on these urges, but instead simply observe them. A variety of thoughts and feelings will parade through your mind making their usual demands; your task is to observe them rather than to respond to them. Hold on to nothing; just watch. If you get distracted and start acting on an urge, just note that this occurred and go back to your watching. Sit there and observe for 20 or so minutes (set a timer so you don’t have to watch the clock – which will kill the experience). When the timer goes off, get up and go about your business.

Meditation is not something that will pay off quickly. In fact, it will take quite a long time of regular practice before you will “get it” and start feeling the benefits it has to offer. Practice meditating every day at a regular time, for a regular duration. Remain alert during your practice; do not go to sleep! Be patient. Ultimately, your perspective will start to evolve and you will grow more able to choose your moods and reactions instead of them choosing you. Meditation practitioners typically report feeling much calmer than they did prior to meditation, and much more focused and clear-minded. The stressful things that used to distract and torture them fall away.