Stay away from alcohol, boys, crazy nights, negative self talks and all the bad things and bad thoughts until my university entrance exam!

There’s only 4 days until my exam, and what can I say… I guess I survived! Woo hoo!

I still can’t believe that I got over this period without going insane! I really didn’t break any promise that I gave to myself! Yay me!

Nowadays I’ve got a new sickness that’s growing inside of me:

Feeling sorry for myself!

I do it everytime I’m awake… Considering what a big loser I’m and how stupid the things and the happenings around me…

I’m already having a tough time and I’ll keep having it during next 37 days, and this is just making the things harder.

Seriously, I’ve never been that woeful in my life…

Tomorrow is my f.cking birthday and I have to wake up early and take a test that’s effective… And the next day also… And i have no other plan but getting back to home, entering into my room, staring at the wall and thinking of my 19 years that were just stuck in the middle of nothing.

Only one good new : When it comes to the Stay away from boys part of this goal, I can at least say that It never had been this easy. I guess I’m not atracted to boys anymore, no I’m not atracted to people in general. Not heterosexual or homosexual. I just became asexual... I will at least not get my heart broken which is a big point!

I’m just so angry and dissapointed with myself.
Yesterday was my brother’s and also his best friend’s birthday [Yes, what a coincidence indeed!] and we had a party at his girlfriend’s home…

It was fun but costed me an entire day that was spent with NO studying and at the end of the night I was so f.cking drunk.

Though I was drunk, in a moment my inner responsible girl said me,

Didem, there are f.cking 8 weeks until the exam, it’s your second try and last change, and SEE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW?

And yes, she was right…

Plus, I got sick, I threw away and couldn’t sleep. I just hate me in times like these…

The only good thing about it, I awakened and decided that:

I’m not going to drink even a sip of alcohol until exam.

I’m not going to have fun until I actually DESERVE it