Be confident

I find that on days I get exercise, I feel particularly confident. I stand straighter, prouder, taller. I breathe easier. I don’t get as anxious with the little (or even the big) things. Not to say I don’t get anxious at all, but there’s a significant difference!

I also find that when I dress well, I feel better about myself. Yes, it’s a shallow reason but hey, it works. I know looking good will make me feel more confident and less self-conscious in general.

I guess it’s about finding the little things that work…and letting that change our attitude until we finally are able to feel confident anytime.

Someone talked to me about my issues about feeling confident and feeling frustrated and how my self-esteem works. Drawing from what she’s heard so far, she really brought up a point that I think makes sense.

It’s about how I’ve been treated like I’m stupid and made to believe that for so long in my life…and then when those rare people show up in my life to tell me I have potential, it strikes a chord in me. I was amazed. It’s like…these strangers always see this potential in me, but no one close to me does. It’s weird and it’s so deflating to my confidence. It makes me feel so crappy about myself, you know?

And then she kind of said that I might be frustrated because there are those who see the potential in me and then I can sense myself having potential and interests and passions…and the fact that I can’t seem to excel in them frustrates me. Or that I lose interest…

So we’re going to explore that further and discuss how we can kind of get me to break out of this block I have.

step that I need to work on is:

Not surrounding myself with negative people.

Also surrounding myself with positive and encouraging people would be a plus.

Last quarter, my teachers kept telling me to be more confident and to be more sure of myself. :( It was so frustrating hearing it and I try and I try….but not good enough. I just. I don’t know. I know a lot of this fear and shrinking away is self-imposed but it’s hard to master it all of a sudden. I’ve always had issues with confidence levels.

I found this great article about how using certain words hold us back from being confident and positive and stuff. I wanted to share it: http://www.redbookmag.com/your/words-holding-you-back

:)

In school, there’s been so much support from teachers and even my major coordinator (head of the dept). I feel so blessed. One of my teachers keep trying to draw me out by pointing attention to my prowess at computer rendering…AHAHAHA I feel kind of embarrassed because I feel like I’ve barely scraped the surface of it. Bah. Anyway, I will continue working at this goal of course!

I’ve been really trying to be confident in myself. It’s so hard and I guess I’ve stopped talking positivity to myself. I guess I need to try harder!

A lot of my teachers have told me to be more confident in myself. One told me I shouldn’t be so hard on myself – but you know, I can’t help it. That’s how I am – that’s how I push myself to be better.

sigh

As a way to stop giving myself negative pep talks and convincing myself I suck as a designer, as a person, as a friend, I’ve been creating scenarios where I come out in a good way. I try to be positive and I try to imagine scenes where I do really well, or I get praise for something I’ve done. I try to imagine good critique and compliments about the things I design.

I’m trying to see smiles rather than frowns. I think it helps. Because once I stop visualizing, it stays with me, the “fake adrenaline” of being in a good place, of hearing happy news, rather than always feeling down in the dumps. Something like that.

It’s a good way to build confidence, and once I start off in a good place, my design will at least be an improvement from if I start in a bad mood.

I really hope that one day, I can accomplish this goal without having to struggle so much. Right now, I have good days and bad days. I really, really love the good days. :)

Little things help – like applying my favorite lipstick, wearing my favorite pair of jeans, looking good, having just finished a good book, being praised on an assignment I did or for a concept I came up with, cooking a real good meal, accomplishing goals, etc.