I still feel bad, but nowadays it’s also kind of accompanied by being indignant, depending on the situation.
It’s easier to say no in a professional setting, I guess. I don’t know…it’s still kind of hard to say that to my friends sometimes. :( Sad. I’m working on it.
If I have to say no to an invite and it’s the first time in a while, I don’t feel bad. But if I keep rejecting them (for whatever reason) then I feel bad, because I think it’s really thoughtful of them to invite me. sigh
I hate that it’s very very hard for me to say no for certain things. I can’t really say what right now…it just depends on the situation and on who is asking. It’s misery trying to figure out a nice way to say no.
Today, I just totally made up some excuse to get out of something I said I’d do.
Gosh, I’m a total failure at this!!! I feel so terrible. :( Yet I still do it. I think I do it to avoid backlash that saying a simple no would be. :(
I don’t like to say no. It makes me profoundy uncomfortable. What I end up doing is saying something like “I prefer __.” in a firm tone. I’m not sure how well it works, especially whoever I’m talking to doesn’t take the hint or refuses to take the hint. I’ve kind of gotten into the habit of just repeating it…but it’s so easy to get into the area of “excuses” which makes it hard because I don’t want to make excuses. If I can’t or don’t want to (even if for stupid reasons), I shouldn’t have to do it (whatever it is). Why do I have to feel bad about saying no and why do I have to make excuses for it?
Well, most of my friends don’t give me guilt about not wanting to do things. Or they’ll do it jokingly but they understand because there are times they have to bail or whatever or can’t do something or don’t want to.
My parents have gotten really good at this – not giving me guilt – on most stuff. I think they know if they force me, I’m just going to scowl through the whole thing and that’s worse. It doesn’t stop me from feeling bad anyway, though. It’s almost as if all my guilt is damn ingrained! :(
Most people don’t give me too much grief about saying no. My old boss at my first job used to give me a guilt trip so more often than not, I’d just say yes to avoid it. My current bosses are reat – they’re very understanding, so I have no compunction about saying no (but they rarely put me in that position) and they’re so nice that if it’s just an extra ssignment, I’ll always do it – it’s a good idea to do other things than my job description.
However, some people know that I feel bad really easily so they push it and they make me feel guilty (it doesn’t help that I let myself feel bad about saying no VERY OFTEN) and nowadays, I stick to my ground and keep saying no anyway but it just makes the whole thing worse because I go away feeling worser than ever and the other party still doesn’t get what she/they/he wants.
Sometimes this isn’t a physical yes or no. Sometimes it’s a yes, I am going to keep “taking this crap” or no, I’m not going to “listen to this nattering” anymore.
Unfortunately, I still fail at that.
So I’m at the point where I can say no once I manage to keep my head straight…depending on the situation. The thing is, my friends know they can pester me until I say yes. :(
I’m bad at asserting myself and standing my ground. People say it’s because I reject things by saying “I don’t think I can” or “I don’t think I’ll go” and that I should just simply say “I don’t want to go/I’m not able to make it.”
Then the friend will ask what I’m doing and what time I’m doing it and why can’t I make it if nothing’s going on. Or simply try and cajole me.
I find I have a hard time saying no at work to employers, and even coworkers sometimes. Ugh. Lots of stress.
I have finally learned to say no to my friends when I don’t want to do something, though.