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10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.

Starting today, 43 Things users can export their goals and entries from the site. Starting August 15, we will make the site “read only”. 43 Things users will still be able to view the site and export their content, but we won’t be taking any new content from users. We hope to leave the site up for folks to see and download their content until the end of the year. Ending on New Year’s Eve takes us full circle.

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As of today, you will be able to download your goals and entries. See more about that on the FAQ page. Thanks for 10 great years of goal-setting and achieving.

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Ivymere in San Francisco is doing 40 things including…

Say "no" every time i feel like it and not feel guilty

86 cheers

 

Ivymere has written 8 entries about this goal

The more I do it, the easier....just a little bit easier

I still feel bad, but nowadays it’s also kind of accompanied by being indignant, depending on the situation.

It’s easier to say no in a professional setting, I guess. I don’t know…it’s still kind of hard to say that to my friends sometimes. :( Sad. I’m working on it.



Sometimes easy, sometimes not

If I have to say no to an invite and it’s the first time in a while, I don’t feel bad. But if I keep rejecting them (for whatever reason) then I feel bad, because I think it’s really thoughtful of them to invite me. sigh

I hate that it’s very very hard for me to say no for certain things. I can’t really say what right now…it just depends on the situation and on who is asking. It’s misery trying to figure out a nice way to say no.



:( I'm such a failure

Today, I just totally made up some excuse to get out of something I said I’d do.

Gosh, I’m a total failure at this!!! I feel so terrible. :( Yet I still do it. I think I do it to avoid backlash that saying a simple no would be. :(



More of going around the block

I don’t like to say no. It makes me profoundy uncomfortable. What I end up doing is saying something like “I prefer __.” in a firm tone. I’m not sure how well it works, especially whoever I’m talking to doesn’t take the hint or refuses to take the hint. I’ve kind of gotten into the habit of just repeating it…but it’s so easy to get into the area of “excuses” which makes it hard because I don’t want to make excuses. If I can’t or don’t want to (even if for stupid reasons), I shouldn’t have to do it (whatever it is). Why do I have to feel bad about saying no and why do I have to make excuses for it?



I'm okay doing this for the most part...

Well, most of my friends don’t give me guilt about not wanting to do things. Or they’ll do it jokingly but they understand because there are times they have to bail or whatever or can’t do something or don’t want to.

My parents have gotten really good at this – not giving me guilt – on most stuff. I think they know if they force me, I’m just going to scowl through the whole thing and that’s worse. It doesn’t stop me from feeling bad anyway, though. It’s almost as if all my guilt is damn ingrained! :(

Most people don’t give me too much grief about saying no. My old boss at my first job used to give me a guilt trip so more often than not, I’d just say yes to avoid it. My current bosses are reat – they’re very understanding, so I have no compunction about saying no (but they rarely put me in that position) and they’re so nice that if it’s just an extra ssignment, I’ll always do it – it’s a good idea to do other things than my job description.

However, some people know that I feel bad really easily so they push it and they make me feel guilty (it doesn’t help that I let myself feel bad about saying no VERY OFTEN) and nowadays, I stick to my ground and keep saying no anyway but it just makes the whole thing worse because I go away feeling worser than ever and the other party still doesn’t get what she/they/he wants.



Sometimes

Sometimes this isn’t a physical yes or no. Sometimes it’s a yes, I am going to keep “taking this crap” or no, I’m not going to “listen to this nattering” anymore.

Unfortunately, I still fail at that.



AND to stand my ground

So I’m at the point where I can say no once I manage to keep my head straight…depending on the situation. The thing is, my friends know they can pester me until I say yes. :(

I’m bad at asserting myself and standing my ground. People say it’s because I reject things by saying “I don’t think I can” or “I don’t think I’ll go” and that I should just simply say “I don’t want to go/I’m not able to make it.”

Then the friend will ask what I’m doing and what time I’m doing it and why can’t I make it if nothing’s going on. Or simply try and cajole me.



Need to learn this particularly for work

I find I have a hard time saying no at work to employers, and even coworkers sometimes. Ugh. Lots of stress.

I have finally learned to say no to my friends when I don’t want to do something, though.



Ivymere has gotten 86 cheers on this goal.

 

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