I am happy with myself and my life.

I know it’s stupid to not be happy with yourself and your life. It’s not that I hate my life or something. On the contrary, I love it and know that I am very blessed. I just want to have everything in my life that I could imagine. Sure I don’t have those thigs yet, but I will one day. As far as where my life is headed, I AM happy with it. Being happy with myself, however, has not quite been accomplished. I am so proud of myself for growing as a person, for getting the help I need to beat my depression, for taking the steps to make my life better, and for just basically turning my life around. But, once again, I am not where I want to be and am continuing to work on it. A lot of being happy with myself though comes from a physical aspect, and until I accomplish those goals I will not be truly happy when I look in themirror. It’ll all come with time though.

Life has taken some strange and stressful turns not only this year, but in the last couple of months. And though it’s been probably the hardest year of my life so far, it has also continued to be the most enlightening. I’m finding myself, and as it turns out, that’s a very hard thing to do. If you had asked me a couple of months ago where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, how I felt, or even whether or not I truly wanted to be alive, the answers would have been very different form what they are now. And though my life is so far from perfect and I am so far from being completely happy with it, I am well on my way and closer than I ever have been before. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m figuring out who I really am, what I want, and how I’m going to get it. Actually taking the steps to figure out those things is such a huge accomplishment already, and I plan on accomplishing so much more.

I’m slowly coming very close to accomplishing this goal. It’s definitely a long journey, but I’ve come to realize that I can make this happen and that even though there are many things out of my control, many of life’s imperfections are beautiful if viewed from the right perspective. I am happy, yes. But I’m not completely happy yet with the direction my life is taking. I’m getting there though, and I will not stop until I succeed in accomplishing everything I want to.

The pieces are beginning to fall into place. I’m learning how to be happy on my own, how to not need anyone else to make that happen for me. Not that I’ve EVER been a dependent person, but it wasn’t until certain circumstances that made me realize that I was relying on others for my happiness. Not that there’s anything wrong with the people around you making you happy, I mean that’s kind of what they’re there for a lot of the time, but that shouldn’t be the only thing that makes you happy. So slowly I am learning what makes me happy, including getting things done that I want to do, doing things I don’t want to do but need to, and doing something for myself everyday. I have a new life philosophy that’s posted on a sticky note (love those things..) by my door so that when I leave everyday I see it. It reads,”Do something productive in school, work, and for yourself. Love Life.” So for now, I’m moving slowly towards this goal. But hey, progress is progress, no matter how small right? :]