get over my fear of driving

It’s the summer… and I’m once again disappointed that I’m too freaked to drive anywhere that I want to in my free time. It’ll be a miracle if I ever get over this.

I drove 360 miles in one trip… Yayyyy me ^^
I feel more comfy and everything seems a bit less scary now.
Hopefully, I will have more opportunities to practice.

Improvement?
I feel as if I’ve improved. Over the summer, I had two friends whom I haven’t seen in about a year visit (at different times). The main thing that prompted my driving was that I didn’t want to bore them to death or for them to have a bad time, or to disappoint them in some way. I let both friends know that I felt very uncomfortable while driving but for some reason they had confidence in me. I went to the art store, the book store, the movies, dunkin donuts, and the mall with one friend. I had never gone to the art store, book store, and the mall before on my own. Admittedly, I got lost multiple times on the way to the mall… and back. But I made it! .. I asked for directions from one lady, and I called for directions at a different time. Kind of silly.. but it was necessary and I feel like getting to these places was a big accomplishment (although I would hesitate going to the mall again..).
With my other friend, she was rather determined to have me practice driving. Haha.. I have a feeling that if I lived near her I would be much better at getting to places. She drove a lot of the time.. and even for her, the confusing roads were a bit unnerving. I did however drive out of my comfort zone yet again. I drove to dunkin donuts, cvs, and the dollar store. We had an adventure and I drove to the state park that I had never been to where we left the car and explored the trails (not to mention the abandoned building ruins that were in the middle of no where lol and really interesting). We also went to see Batman in imax which was really far away. She drove the way there.. and I drove the way back which was a really big step for me because the location was so foreign. It helped greatly that I drove home when it was really late with less cars.
I feel like I improved.
I have two more car trips in mind that I’m rather nervous about.
... a trip into the city, and an 8 hour drive. Luckily, I’ll have someone with me. I just have to get up the courage to follow through with it. I also find it helpful if I try to relax… just a little. It doesn’t help to be leaning close to the wind shield and staring intensely.. haha when I can just.. sit in the chair normally. Hopefully I’ll make the trips (with me driving), and not back out.

There is no pleasant way to get over this.
I just have to force myself to drive no matter how highly uncomfortable it is.
This truly bites.

I have two occasions shortly coming up where I have the opportunity to drive w/ my dad in the passenger seat. For some reason, I’m still not reassured.

Urgh.. the first occasion will be driving in the city. Ick… I’m not looking forward to this. So many lights… so much traffic..

The next occasion will be picking up a friend. We’re meeting half way but it’s still going to be a rather long drive. Urgh… I’m not looking forward to the highway… and I’m not looking forward to traffic.. and I’m not looking forward to toll booths! Meh… just thinking about the driving I’ll be doing isn’t pleasant…

It’s not good at all. My dad doesn’t know I’m driving yet. Urgh.. I would So much rather just let him drive. However, the only way to get over this is by forcing myself to drive no matter how painful that may be.
Urgh… I’m really really not looking forward to this. I have my license but don’t drive.. it’s not that I don’t have the ability.. I just get wayyyy nervous.

This weekend we’re going out of state.
It’s yet another opportunity I have to practice driving. I know that the only way I will be able to get through this is with practice, and sheer determination. It’s really hard though.. b/c when I think of possibly driving this weekend I get a bit panicked. I tried to look for some helpful info. These sites are partially useful..

http://briankim.net/blog/2007/01/how-to-conquer-your-fears-once-and-for-all/

http://ask.metafilter.com/73698/Help-me-conquer-my-fear-of-driving

http://ask.metafilter.com/81854/How-to-overcome-fear-of-driving

http://briankim.net/blog/2006/08/how-to-believe-you-can-do-anything

I don’t know… in the end, I have to get over this. It’s just really difficult to force yourself to drive while feeling panicked. I mean.. I’m embarrassed at not driving certain places. I’ve never been in a crash but I’ve had some really rough times. It just bites.. many ppl don’t understand this problem, I wish I was one of the many people who have no problems w/ driving.. it’s just so natural to a lot of ppl.

So yeah..
I have my license.
-but I don’t drive.

It kind of bites..
I can easily get to school and back.. as well as a couple of places near me.
However, anything else causes me to be really anxious and just feel awful.

I’m never going anywhere I want to because I just.. won’t get into the car and take that leap.
It’s awful.. never going anywhere… Ever.

I wish I just felt comfy like everyone else.. and could easily live my life. Not driving.. serverely limits the possibilities.

My dad says I’ll get over it w/ time…

Yeah… but what about now? I can’t go anywhere.

So yes… I re-added this goal to my list.

(-& I was shocked at the old entry that was somehow still saved, and that I got back. It surprised me. Certainly, long gone are the days of feeling angry in the car. I can’t think of the last time other than when I was so frustrated with trying to get my license.)

I suppose I took the goal off my list because I didn’t want to admit that I was scared, however I must be because something is holding me back.
So yes… I have my license, and I’m able to get to school on my own (although it’s very easy).

The problem is.. I have my license, and I feel as if I can’t get anywhere else. It’s incredibly frustrating, and depressing when I never go where I want to.

Tommorow, there is a concert (in a place where I have never been, & supposedly a bad location -shrug). I mapquested it and It’s about an hour and a half away from my house. I would love to go… but driving on the multi-laned.. highway by myself for the 1st time… driving to the other side of the state & to a place where I have never been by myself…

Urgh.. So yes.. I know that I won’t go to the show, & yet again.. and again.. I will continue to miss out b/c I can’t seem to get over this.

Everytime I get in the car.. it’s not so much that I get scared, I just get extremely angry.

Urgh.. I have no clue why.

I just want to claw off my arm, and drive off a cliff.

However there aren’t any cliffs in the area + my dad is in the car w/ me.

I mean… it isn’t that he isn’t a good teacher or anything.
There’s just something about driving that pisses me off to an unhealthy, I can’t control myself level…