Enjoy being single

I’m dating again. I’ve had dates with 2 different woman. I have a date with another woman tomorrow night. Yes I am interested in one of these women already but I don’t know where I stand. I’ve had to be patient and that hasn’t been easy.

I’m doing my best to have fun with dating but I find the process frustrating.

The bottom line is I want to meet a wonderful, beautiful woman, fall in love and have a family. I guess this is the process I have to go through if I want that to happen?

I’ve been so busy with life that honestly, I haven’t given much thought about being single. Then today I came across some things which really rammed it down my throat. This article didn’t help. Although I’m glad to know Forbes picked Atlanta the 4th best city for singles.

Today I was getting gas. An attractive woman pulled up next to me. I couldn’t even muster up a “hello.” I felt so ashamed. What has happened to me?

Still, I know this will all pass. I’ve been single for LONG LONG time and some days it stings just a bit.

Then I ask, “What makes me think a woman will make me happy?” Having a partner has its benefits. It’d be nice to have some female encouragement and affection.

Today I got rejected. Like truly and completely rejected. I couldn’t believe the pain. I felt my face blush with blood when she said, “I’m seeing someone and out of respect to him I don’t think we should hang out.”

All the signs were there. It took her 2 days to return my call. I had to ask her about my message. It was all small talk until then.

I give her credit for telling me. I have my doubts as to whether she is seeing someone or if she was attempting to let me down easy. See I’ve known her for close to 2 years. So we have a casual friendship. It probably wasn’t easy for her to tell me, but she did it and I give her props for that.

Still the pain. I couldn’t believe it. If I had not been at work I would’ve cried. It hurt that bad.

Now that I’ve had a few hours to process it I’m beginning to appreciate this situation for what I’ve learned. I had a feeling all along that she wasn’t interested in me. However a few lady friends told me I should go for it. So I did.

I have so many options for how to handle this. The one I’m choosing is this. I’m going to not let it phase me one single bit! In fact God spoke to me and said this, “You need to use this opportunity to show her and everyone else that the joy of the Lord is your strength.” “Sure you can show her what she’s missing out on but not in a negative way whatsoever.” “The way you need to be is joyful no matter what happens!”

I can do that by not acting weird around her. We run in the same social circles so I will see her. I can show her that her rejection, although painful, will not cut me off from God’s love and my love for her. Yes I do love her in a friendly way. She’s an amazing woman, that’s why I was interested in her.

The other lesson learned is always to trust my gut. Something was not ringing true for me with this. Yet I listened to the advice others were giving me and I acted on it. What this confirms is not to doubt my intuition. Sure it may be wrong at times. This time it was right and now I know what that feels like.

Another bonus is I feel a song coming on about this. I was already getting ideas for a song about this woman. Now it’s a done deal. It’s gonna be a good one!

Enjoy being single? Some days it’s tough. I’m grateful that I have relationship with God and that through my pain, He is teaching me, molding me and showing me how to trust Him and glorify Him.

As I wrote on jamsmooth.com 6 weeks ago, I’m coming to terms with my decision to be a Christian. It’s challenging but that’s what makes it fun.

I believe that Christ has filled that hole that I felt for so long. For the past 5 years, when it came to women, I’ve had nothing but pain, disappointment, rejection and frustration. The pursuit of women and a relationship with one was my priority, whether or not I wanted to admit it.

Through prayer, meditation and pure faith I’ve sought a relationship with Christ for the first time in my life. The old thoughts of self-pity and self-loathing are gone for now.

I know those dark thoughts are always waiting for a chance to come in and terrorize me. Now I can rest on the faith and word of Christ. Now I can relax a little and do God’s will in a selfless way.

It’s amazing when I think about it. For so long finding a woman I could spend time with was so important to me, at times an obsession. Replacing that obsession with one for Christ has served me well. I feel at peace and I have faith that in time God will lead me to a woman that is going to rock my world.

I’ve been listening to Dr. Richard Blackaby’s messeages on the csbs.ca website. He’s been challenging me. The last message I heard was on joy. It’s interesing how easily we all give our joy away. I see how I freely give away my joy about being single. It’s one door I sometimes leave open for evil. The thoughts creep in and hit me upside the head. I feel I can keep Dr. Blackaby’s message close to my heart. I have to remember that my joy is so important. That’s what others see! If I am joyless then who wants to hear why? If I have joy then that’s something people want.

Right now I hate being single. I hate it. I’m fully aware I’m looking through a narrow lens. It just seems like everyone has someone EXCEPT for me. I don’t know why I’m being so self-centered and selfish. Human nature? Maybe. Is this feeling a symptom of something bigger? Maybe. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I DON’T have rather than feeling so blessed for what I do. Why does it seem like so much to ask that I just have a girlfriend? A woman I actually like and am attracted to? Why the F is that so hard to find? God I’m over it all!! Ok, I’m done. Thanks for listening and good night.

The constant rejection. All of the time and effort that leads to only frustration, expectations and other words ending in “ion.” What is it worth?

Yes I got rejected again and it I don’t think it will ever get easier. Sometimes the pain of rejection goes away quickly but sometimes it sticks.

To top it off I saw a lot of couples at The Flaming Lips show last night. I’m happy for them. I really am.

The ONLY thing I can do is place my trust in God. I can also pray and I can also call my friends for help.

I think ultimately that enjoying being single is about acceptance. Either I accept where I’m at and get on with it or I say in negative enregy and dash any hopes I have of enjoying being single.

Now I think meeting the right woman depends on me enjoying being single. Thus if I don’t enjoy being single I’ll never meet the right woman. So I HAVE to enjoy being single. It’s a requisite and I believe a good one. I know that my love for others flows from the inside out first. As I give more love I will receive more love. Just like The Beatles say, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

I can say the past few days I’ve enjoyed being single. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? For now I’m at peace and I think the future holds great things for me.

Yesterday I did sort of an interview with a married friend. I asked about being married vs. being single. It was enlightening.

He told me how fortunate I am to have my freedom. He said he could not pick up and do something on a whim. He always has to keep his wife in mind.

He also mentioned you have the added commitment of her side of the family. Meaning you have obligations to do things with her family. He didn’t say that was bad, only that your time is committed to that.

His perspective helped me out. For me it’s key to remember to be grateful for what I have. It’s not easy b/c I am a romantic and being in a relationship can be fulfilling. I consider myself blessed to have real friends who I care about and who care about me. Until I find the right woman, I can get love, affection and intimacy from them. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is the key for me to enjoy being single.