have more confidence

It’s slight, but I am starting to get better with feeling good about myself and what I can do. I can acknowledge that I do have talents, and I can try to make them grow. I’ll do my best to continue sharing whatever talents that I’m especially fond of. As for the others, I’ll just try to like them.

At least I’m talking in front of a class. I think I lose the confidence once I’m unsure of what it is I’m talking about, or if I’m presenting with someone else who has the same outlook.

My self-confidence has been worse and worse. I don’t believe in myself, so now I can’t even be happy for those closest to me cuz I’m afraid they’ll leave me behind.

Counselling possibly helped for a while, but I don’t think it’s helping me anymore. I’m praying, not so much for an answer it seems. More to tell Someone who won’t sigh deeply and say, “You have talents, use them. I’m through trying to make you feel better.” Not that many have been told. But those ones who I guess I feel protected by (thus dependent on, unfortunately) don’t want me to rely on them as a crutch.

So I don’t want to rely on them as a crutch either! I want to feel good about myself, stand up and enjoy life! I want to succeed and feel like me again! ...Actually I don’t know what it’s like to be me. Or at least I forget. Maybe I’m just a big faker. But in reality, I do need confidence. I do dislike what I am and how I got there.

...Though I can’t remember exactly how.