be an artist

Have now reduced my working week so I can dedicate more time to being an ‘artist’. I do a set number of hours in the studio each day and really try to stick to this otherwise I would get distracted and end up doing other stuff, like housework – eek!

I know, it’s just so exciting! Isn’t it just an amazing feeling when someone actually likes your stuff enough to want to pay money for it! It was a just a very quick pen & ink dawing I did many years ago and it was gathering dust at the back of my portfolio but now it has a proper mount and backing and I’ve added my name (had a lot of practice just getting the signature right!). The hardest part has been putting a price on it. I mean how do you put a price on your own work?

After yesterday’s entry I felt I really couldn’t come up with any more excuses for not doing anything so I did a little sketch last night – more of doodle actually – but it felt good. It has been so long since I did anything more than just think about art. It’s a beautiful sunny today so I maybe I could snap a few pictures…

I’m grieving today. Grieving for all the lost opportunities, all the roads I didn’t take. I’m angry and frustrated with myself for wasting so much time dreaming about being an artist but doing precious little about it. When I was a child I would spend hours drawing and painting. I just loved it. My biggest mistake (and regret) was choosing a safe option of getting an office job rather than going to college to study art. Over the years I’ve done the odd evening class (I have a fairly decent portfolio of stuff I’ve done which isn’t too bad) but really I just spend a lot of my time dreaming about it. OK, I don’t beat myself up every day for not creating amazing artwork, but as the years are passing I’m realising more and more that I’m sick and tired of my procrastination (for want of a better word) and excuses for not just grabbing some paper right now and drawing something – anything! No more buying books looking for inspiration, no more looking at art exhibitions telling myself “I could do that”, no more planning courses that I never get around to doing, no more dreaming about it all. If I don’t just draw something today, when will I ever do it? So it starts now.