Keep up with my journal

When I write in my journal it makes me happy… and sometimes sad. But even if I feel sad I feel like I have vented some. My mind feels so heavy sometimes and I just want to scream so I gotta let it out with my pen.

“The weight of my stress, is like a fifty ton boulder
Making my head heavy, can’t be lifted by my shoulders
No wonder why my head down, I be thinking too hard
And be smoking like a tail pipe, and drinking too hard”
-Zro

this has turned out to be very manageable for me. i guess i really needed to take time out of my day and sit down and write. i get depressed though sometimes when i start writing, i hate to let my mind wander too much. i’m ready to start feeling different. i hate having mood swings.

I started this last night. I’m really going to try and make a conscious effort to keep up with this. I did feel better after writing. I was having a problem starting over, trying to go back and record everything I’ve been doing since my last journal. I’ve realized that I don’t want to remember those things. I just want to get the issues that I’m facing now off my chest, I’m tired of reflecting. :) So I just picked up from what I was feeling yesterday and I’m going to do the same today. No more going back in time and thinking about things that are over and done with.

I’ve had a journal pretty much since I’ve been able to write. My parents gave me one when I was 6 and I’ve kept one ever since then, until I started college. It seems like this would be one of the greatest times I’d like to document and everything, but while I was in college I never wrote. I would sit down and try but I wouldn’t even know where to start at. When I graduated I began to write a little more but it’s just hard for me. I think I have so much to think about that sometimes it’s really hard for me to sit down and analyze it. I know it will make me feel better, but I’ve been going through a depression lately and it’s hard enough just to think. I want to start this up again. I feel really bad for letting it go. And I’m so emotional now. I was never an emotional person. I do blame part of that on being pregnant… but I think that I could get rid of a lot of those emotions and crazy pregnant lady tantrums with a journal.