lose weight

So. I was looking at my body in the mirror tonight and decided that maybe if I post my problem areas on here, someone could offer me some suggestions as to what exercises I should do to target them. So here goes…

My body is shaped like an hour glass. I have naturally big bones, so I probably wouldn’t look good at 110 lbs. I’d like to be about 130. That leaves me somewhere around 55-60 lbs to lose. Anyway, I can literally feel my ribs. Like, when I lay down, I can trace my fingers along them. However, futher down, my stomach is just FAT. Pudgy, squishy, nasty, FAT. Then my hips are rather wide, and my thighs are gross. I see definition along my outer thighs, and I’ve been doing alot of exercises to target that, but my inner thighs are gross. My calves are big, but they’re pure muscle, so it’s okay for now. My bust is fine, on the bigger side, but I don’t mind, but my arms are flabby, and that’s nasty. Any suggestions for stomach, thighs and arms? Thanks! and good luck to everyone!!!!

Sooo, my measurements are still the same, but I’ve lost a few pounds, which I’m happy about. I’ve been running and exercising alot, and hopefully, I’ll have lost about twenty pounds by September. All I’ve eaten today was a pb&j sandwich, cus I’ve got god-awful cramps and can’t bare eating anything. I’m surprisingly not hungry, but that’s probably because of the cramps too. Ah well, it’s a skinny day today, so i’m happy.

Sooooooo. After all my talk a month and a half ago of losing weight, I haven’t lost a single pound. Not one. Good gracious.

Basically, school happened. Between finals and grades and parents and my boyfriend and all sorts of nonsense, food became my best friend. My sweatpants and sneakers….didn’t. Not only did I have absolutely no control over what I put in my mouth, but I didn’t even make an effort to burn it off. Nada.

Anyway, school’s out now, and I’ve been going running with some friends 3 times a week and doing crunches and things to try and get in shape. But I can’t lie, they are both soooo much smaller and skinnier and prettier than me, it sucks. I mean, i love them to pieces, but I feel so fat and out of shape running with them. They never get tired, they don’t jiggle in funny places and hell, all my too-tight jeans fit them just fine. It’s so frustrating. To top it all off, I went on the craziest binge this weekend. I literally ate everything I saw. It was gross.

Butt, it’s monday night, so i can make resolutions for the week. I’m gonna eat healthy. I’m gonna work out. alot. And i’m not gonna binge.

So,

200 crunches a day
200 sit up a day
100 push ups a day
toning excercises
running 3x a week
biking to the pool
5 laps 3x a week
no more than 100 calories a day
8 glasses of water a day

this is gonna happen. it has to. i will not be uncomfortable with my body anymore. it’s just not gonna work. i want to be comfortable and stress free junior year. plus, i wanna look good in my bathing suit and feel pretty and small again. Argh. Here we go again.

Ugh here we go again is right. I feel myself slipping back into old habits. Skipping meals, weighing in 3 times a day, the pills, everything. It’s an obsession. A bad one. It doesn’t help that my boyfriend pokes fun. He doesn’t mean anything by it, I know that, but anytime anyone makes even the slightest comment about my weight, i go into a “don’t eat for three days” mode. I’ve been contemplating throwing up, just to feel better, to feel that light empty feeling again, but whenever I do that, all the blood vessels in my face break, it’s not a pretty sight. But in terms of morals, I’ve stopped seeing anything wrong with purging. I can’t stand knowing all that stuff is in my body. I haven’t gained, I know that, but I’m itching to get out of this hell.My scales sits at the edge of the bed and is a constant reminder of the bondage I’m held in. Everytime someone mentions food, I break into shivers. I don’t know what to do, it’s scaring me. I was able to keep this all at bay for a long time, but I’ve been binging uncontrollably and now I’m back to hating myself. I look in the mirror and just see fat in every possibly corner. Nothing pretty, nothing admirable, just loathsome, bothersome, cumbersome baggage. And it needs to go away already. My teacher pointed out the other day that I need to eat more than a cup of granola for lunch. And I literally thought I was going to break down crying. I don’t want anyone to bother me about it. I don’t want people following me around, asking me what/if I’ve eaten. I want to be able to go out with my friends, eat what I want, and not internally feel like shit for not having enough will power to avoid eating…

God, I hate this.

Man I screwed up today. Big time. I had no breakfast, but then I had half a bagel with butter, chicken and rice for lunch and then i came home, had a granola bar, a bowl of cereal, grapes, rice cake bites and half a bowl of lentil stew. I feel…repulsive. Oh god help me. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Soo, I took my measurements today and weighed in, as I always do on Sunday. Down four pounds, finally beat that plateau anddd lost two inches…everywhere! zomfggg I’m soo happy. I want a rice cake lol. <3 Keep it up, everyone.

today was pretty good. I had a Vita-J (which is a slimming drink…10 cals, all sorts of vitamins.) And I actually drank water! Alot! To the point I felt sick!...maybe that’s not an exclamation point sort of thing….

ANYWAY. Things were going great…i went to the gym…twice! and actually worked out. resisted lunch. But of course, my friend calls me and happens to be eating a 3 musketeers bar. and not only do i eat half of hers…i buy my own. figure 300 cals right there. argh and it’s only 5 oclock. i’d eat dinner, but i really feel pretty sick…blah. ah well..i’m pretty proud of myself. i just have to learn to resist chocolate, then i’m set to go. :)

No more ordering pizza!

It’s just not going to happen.

If i wan’t pizza, i’ll go out for a slice.
We just ordered papa johns. and i had two slices (which isn’t soooo bad cus they’re pretty small) but i also had papa’s wings andd cheesy bread. and not in moderation.

this is what i get for not eating all day. not smart.

so here’s another new rule.

if i’m going to fast, i’m going to FAST. Geez.

If i’m not going to fast, i’m going to eat 3 meals a day.

Well, it’s back to school tomorrow, so things should be easier from here on in. Get excited. It’s gonna be hot.

well, to start with, i need to start getting more sleep. i think it’s 9 hrs of sleep decreases your appetite by 15%. Which is great. I’ve decided the chances that i’d lose 40 in 60 is slim to nill, but as long as i’m losing, and not stuck on this plateau, i’m happy. My main problem isn’t that i overeat, cus i don’t. I’ve been diagnosed with an ED, actually ED-NOS to be exact. I bounce between binging (usually on sweet stuff) and starving myself. I can’t throw it up, 1) because I have no interest in ruining my esophagus, and 2) it makes the blood vessels in my face break, which wouldn’t be very conspicuous.

I’m doing alot better with the ED, i started hanging out with different people, people who love their bodies and actually eat food! Now, I’m not 113 lbs, so don’t worry, I’m not trying to kill myself by losing 40 lbs. if I lose 40, i’ll be at the perfect weight for my height and age, and the perfect weight for myself. I’m really trying hard to beat this ED thing, because it got to a point where it was running my life. Everything i did, everywhere i went, everyone i talked to, everything revolved around what i could and couldn’t eat. I lived, and likewise died, by the scale. Up 1 lb and i didn’t touch food for three days, down 5 and i’d “treat” myself to some junk food. The worst was when i half-heartedly didn’t eat. I’d go all day without eating then go home that night and eat everything in my fridge. Then i’d feel guilty, pop a few diet pills, drink some enviga and sleep my 9 hrs, go to school, and not eat any food. Anyway, I stopped doing that. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner! But since valentine’s day, i’ve been on an everlasting binge (still lost two lbs though, thank god) and it’s been grossing me out. So i’m back on track now. I threw the easter and V-day candy out, bought some granola and skim milk, got out my running shoes, my boxing hand wraps and my jump rope and got to work.

I do box, but i haven’t been there in a month now, since i only go every saturday and i was away for the past two weeks.But the lack of exercise was driving me stircrazy, so i figured i ought to start training again. Well, i thought i was going to die today without running, it’s been so long. I had to walk every other block. :( but i figure if i go 3x a week, my butt will be back in shape in no time… I do all the crunches and stuff in boxing, and i don’t want to do too much of that with no cardio, else i’ll be all muscule, which doesn’t get rid of pudge.

So i could use a little encouragement. Running 3 times a week, no more sweets, and hit the gym twice a week (i’ve gym classes to make up anyway, so i’ve got to go.)

Right now, i know i’ll stick to it, but don’t be surprised if in a month or so, i start whinging about giving up. Just…don’t let me. Sometimes i need a swift kick in the arse to get me going again. Thanks!

This is one of my hardest goals, which is why I’m challenging myself. I love a challenge and it’s something to keep me motivated. I’ve already lost about 14 lbs, which is great, but I’ve still got about 40 to go before I reach my ideal weight. My true ideal weight is a bit on the low side for my height and age, so i’m setting a new goal. It requires me losing 40 lbs in 60 days. It’s far-fetched, but I know it’s possible. So it’s time to get to it!