Going to a performing arts school for theatre-which I really do love. But I feel like I enjoy studying plays, literature, and so on more than actually getting up infront of a crowd and performing-which was my life and love a few years back-now that I’m a bit less of an exhibitionist-I’m not sure. I don’t think I could stand majoring in English. And my soul has been sold to horseback riding, half the time I’m traveling to competitions anyway-when I’m not competing I’m training for competitions. Something about moving to a city and trying to pursue theatre is appealing. I guess the image of it all, even if I were a starving artist something seems to draw me to it.
But can I picture myself doing it in twenty, thirty years from now? I can picture myself opening up a boarding/competition stable, and competing/training/owning high-quality horses, even when I’m old and decrepit I can still teach. What I couldn’t stand is moving out to the middle of no-where and being stuck. I have a horse now, and I want to be involved with it no matter what for the rest of my life. Naturally, it’s a big money pit, and when it is no longer socially acceptable or fair for my parents to foot the bills-I’m going to need a job where I can afford it. Which brings us to the boring 9-5 cubicle job I told myself I’d never get into. How in the world would I move to the city(and I’m far from the type that thinks that you need to be in NYC to act-if I want to act I can act in my damn basement as a makeshift theatre if I have to-but in order to generate income I’ll probably have to throw myself into it so much that I simply have to sacrifice horses).
I love writing. But as I said before, I could not stand being an English major.
I don’t even know. All I do know is that A. I have two different things that I really really love and devote myself to-which is not easily said for myself- that are complete opposites requiring different things in different places. B. I feel angsty and sentimental writing this.
I know that very few know what they want to do-even after they’ve done “it”(by that I mean, go to college, have kids, etc., etc.) – it would be nice to have some closure though. :)
