stay sane

Still playing catch-up, but more slowly.

Today, I was almost sick at the thought of all I have to do, all of the things that are piling up on me. And then from somewhere, the sane thought came to me . . . what if it does not all get done? What if I am late doing it? Will the world fall apart? No. I can only do one thing at a time, and I will prioritize the best I can. That way, the things that fall by the wayside will be the less important ones, and everything important will get done eventually.

I just need to chill.

a documentary about the Caves of Chauvet, where some of the earliest cave drawings by humans have been found. The drawings were skillfully done, with shading and with no hesitation, as if the artist had long practiced elsewhere (drawing in the dirt, maybe?) before “graduating” to painting on cave walls. Even then, in prehistoric times, were there recognized artists who practiced or served apprenticeships before gaining stature?

One thing the program said that fascinated me was that among Neanderthal populations studied by archaeologists, no such drawings had ever been found. Only Homo Sapiens made art. Further, this art suggested a spiritual dimension because of drawings depicting creatures with both human and animal features—a boar’s head on a human body, for example.

I was curious to read about Neanderthals, and as I read, I found an article in Nature that said most people today have maybe one ot four percent Neanderthal genes, at a conservative estimate.

The point? I could not remember how long it had been since I had explored ideas not directly related to my livelihood or to my survival, and I enjoyed it beyond belief. Aimless thinking keeps me sane.

and I have some sanity-inducing time off.

Tomorrow, the Friday Friends celebrate the 60th birthday of one of our number. We are having a 1960s party and dressing up hippie-style. I went to Goodwill today to see if I could find hippie stuff for Nick, and while I found him nothing to wear, I found an original oil on canvas painting of a peace sign for $4—ugly, but a perfect gag gift for the birthday girl. I also have some brownie mix with a baggie of basil attached as the “secret ingredient.” I could not figure out if basil or oregano looked more like pot, and I really wanted to ask someone in the store,but it was a delicate question, so I kept my mouth shut. :)

Having fun makes me sane.

to act in my own best interests.

My life is crazy as it is, and I do not need to allow situations that make my life crazier to continue.

So what’s on my mind this morning is Nick’s caregiver. She is easy to get along with, does her job very well, and is a nice person all around. The problem is that she calls in a lot, and when she does, it causes trouble for me. In the four months that she has been with us, she has called (ball park estimate) fifteen times. If I don’t count Nick’s extended hospitalization and the death of my mother, that’s more days than I have missed in my entire 27-year career.

She always has a good excuse—and here are some of them: death (not her own), funeral (ditto), virus running through family, stranded on highway/getting car fixed, family member attempted suicide, day care closed, and those are just off the top of my head. While she should not be penalized for circumstances beyond her control, I need someone who will be here every day. I told her that before I hired her, and she said she was that person.

When she is out, I have to call the agency, then drop whatever I am doing and start Nick’s bath, dressing, and so on. That means that I have to put off work that I would ordinarily do at home: grading papers, planning classes, and up until a few weeks ago, writing my books. I also have to wait to see if the agency can get someone to come in, and if so, what time they can arrive. I have not missed any classes, but for the first time in my career, I have been late to a class—20 minutes late. That is so not me.

Earlier this week, I had to postpone Leo’s neutering because the caregiver called in. Today, I will have to try to work in the grading I have postponed because of her absences this week.

I accepted her calling in for a while, because I thought it was just a set of unfortunate circumstances. But it seems to be a pattern, and I know how patterns work. They don’t change. People who are always running late don’t suddenly start being on time. People who always complain don’t suddenly say, “Hey, everything is perfect now.” And of course, on the positive side, people who always handle their responsibilities don’t suddenly say, “Ahhh, to heck with it all.”

To stay sane, I will have to give her an ultimatum. During my next semester, she will have to keep her absences at three or less or I just can’t continue to employ her. That’s still too many, but I need to give her a fair chance.

But I also need to stay sane.

I am conflicted about this because I believe in being fair and I do not believe in penalizing people for circumstances beyond their control. But the fact is, every workplace has some sort of limits on absences. And when her absences start to affect my work, it just has to stop.

I welcome anyone’s thoughts . . .