do the mind-body challenge

Okay, I just could not take this one too seriously.

I am not a gossip, though I do have one gossip buddy at work. Since I am usually the last one to hear the scuttlebutt, I don’t have a lot to pass on.

And somehow I can’t consider reading about TomKat gossip . . . I can’t even go to CNN.com without encountering TomKat, TomKitten, Brangelina . . . you name it.

And I can’t help but wonder . . . why is TomKat “gossip” and Rudy Giuliani’s affair and divorce “news”? Why is speculation about whether Barry Bonds used steroids “sports”? If those things are not gossip, neither is Brangelina. It’s not gossip just because women read it.

Getting off my high horse now . . . .

It made me feel good to realize how many people were supportive of me and to wish them good health and happiness.

I also had to laugh when I included some 43T-ers and pictured their avatars. AnnieDee, your fur is beautiful! Trauma Junkie was a cartoon, and Ellie was a beautiful woman from some bygone era.

Forgiveness . . . I have forgiven much in my life, but the incident that popped to mind was something I was not willing to forgive. It was something a coworker did in a meeting out of total malice or perhaps selfishness. It singled me out, it embarrassed me, and it hurt me because I thought the person was my friend.

I realized something about the nature of forgiveness, at least for me. It takes quite a few positive points to offset the negative ones racked up by betrayal. In other words, had I had a very positive relationship before or since with this person, I would be able to forgive. But no, she is still a irredeemably selfish b*tch and I have no intention of forgiving. Also, an apology would have worked wonders.

I will, as I have in the past, be professional. But forgive? Hell no!

I will forgive myself for being too totally dumfounded to utter a word. I was younger and less outspoken then.

I will also forgive myself for not being able to forgive. The bitterness and pissed-offness that I carry with me because of the incident are a defense mechanism, to my way of thinking.

I could think of other things to forgive other people for, but that would be cheating. Today, I have just not been able to carry out my assignment.

have been pretty easy for me. I usually look on the positive side and I am usually grateful for simple things and for the things I have.

Today’s was fun, though. While we were giving Nick his bath this morning, I put on some music, danced around the bed, sang to him, got him to hold hands with me and a stuffed sheep and “dance,” and so on. I could tell it was fun for him. I am often silly. I should be silly even more often!

By the way, to those of you who are following Nick’s progress, he can now roll over onto his side—just to the right, not to the left, but hey, every step counts!

I am stalled on my paperwork goals, though I did do my taxes and sort out the insurance papers.

I wanted to meditate last night, so I went to beliefnet.com to find a good meditation. I chose the guided “lovingkindness meditation,” for which I needed RealOne player, never mind that I already had it. I downloaded it, but had to reboot because it said I already had one running. Then when I logged back on and tried to run it, it said I was not connected the internet. (And exactly HOW had I gotten to the page if I was not connected?)

I messed around with my computer till I somehow convinced it I had dialup, which I do not, and I could not connect at all. So my lovingkindness meditation turned into a meditation on what I could do to a computer wilth a ballpeen hammer. Sigh. I was not feeling loving. Or kind.

And today, when I tried to make myself do paperwork, I found myself drawn to computer mahjongg.

Tomorrow, I will be productive. I will meditate.

Anyone know a good chiropractor? Think I may need one for today’s challenge.

Ahem . . . ummm . . . today I . . . YES! I lay down on the couch at 3 p.m. and held it down for 2 hours using only my brute strength!

AND . . . I was asleep at the time!

But i was conscious of my food intake, and ate fairly sensibly all day.

. . . is one thing that is really working. The morning after I chose it, I was thinking I really needed a good stretch in the mornings before tending to hubby. Then I thought, “Hey, I have a sanctuary!” So I went into the living room and stretched out on the big leather ottoman that serves as a coffee table. I stretched my feet, legs, arms, and back.

Morning after morning, I have returned to my sanctuary. This morning, while I stretched, I read from a book of Mary Oliver’s poetry.

I have always said the living room was my favorite room in the house. Now I start each morning there, and it is great!

Flaxseed meal and milk for breakfast . . . good start.

Then I read Zanna’a message asking me what Good and Plenty were, and I remembered I had some in my desk drawer . . . so I . . . well, finished the bag.

I ate a Lean Pocket for lunch.

I have not had dinner yet, but I think we can safely say that today was a bust.

The truth is I am addicted to sweets and just should not have them in the house.

The reality is, they are comforting and guilt-inducing at the same time, but the comfort wins out and I buy them. Funny, it’s not all sweets. I love dark chocolate, but can eat it in moderation. This is something I know I have to work on.

. . . but it was incredibly hard to do.

I really wanted to lie down and sleep, clothes and all, but I forced myself to take a shower. I even opened a new bath gel.

Ahhhhh, the warm water, the smell of the shampoo and shower gel, the steam, the nosy cats waiting outside the tub, the gradual loosening of tight muscles. I loved it!