get a fancy pen with a distinct color ink so everyone can tell when something was written by me and when I sign my name it means something

I went to buy a birthday card for a cousin. It took forever because I forgot that to buy a birthday card for someone you have to know their age, birthday, Social Security Number, hobbies, and be able to accurately classify their relationship to yourself. Is he a nephew or a cousin? Is he a 5 or 6? Is this a bleated birthday or on time? I hate cards. However, after I solved the card conundrum I was back on my way to the register and saw a magazine all about cracking secret encoded messages (way cooler than that crappy Sudoku), which I read for far longer than I ought. Then when I finally pried myself from the clutches of encryption decomposition, I again pursued my course to the register. I was almost there, but was yet again deterred by another periodical: Stylus Magazine. The magazine informed me that I am what is known as a “stylophile” (less creepy than it sounds) and told of various outlets which can help me achieve my goal. I’m going to get a fountain pen that requires me to fill it with ink from a well and when I sign my name people will know I stand behind what I wrote.