be a gentle mother

I am doing so much better in this in many respects. I need to really keep working on my attitude, though, and what I say. My children are like sponges. They soak up everything from their environment: the energy carried by my words, tone of voice, body language, eye contact or lack thereof.

I don’t have a lot to say about this. I don’t feel I am meeting this goal. I somehow have to get control of my temper and relearn better habits for dealing with little stresses. It’s not that I’m not gentle towards my son, but he sees the way I hit the couch or throw the phone when I lose it.. That’s probably why he’s hitting everyone lately. I suck :-(

But I find that taking two minutes whenever I need to helps a lot. He’s just so cute all the time, too. Who can help but laugh?

My husband has commented alot that since his last trip, he’s noticed a deeper connection between our son and me. We seem to have gotten through a rough patch and are back in sync. He rarely throws tantrums. I’m so impressed, and happy that he is understanding more of the things I’m explaining to him (like the fireworks). Everywhere we go, I’m so proud of him. He listens very well, especially to other people. He’s such a great kid! And so far, no punishment ;-)

I’m really fighting the urge to spank him at least once a day. Oh, the terrible twos! This morning I had to lock myself in the bathroom with the water running to drown out his screams. Sigh. But most of the time I can muster up some more patience to get through the day.

I’m really feeling like I need a break. Since my husband came back from Peru,, I haven’t gotten caught up on the housework and it’s driving me crazy. I’m trying to clean the house today so we can go out of town this weekend and relax, and not come back to a disaster.

I’m so proud of myself. We had a wonderful day today. I didn’t ever feel like I was losing my patience. He is showing some typical defiance, and I’m not sure how to handle it exactly. I really have to watch the threatening, because it seems to be second nature to me (I literally had this cross my mind today: “Pick up your trucks, or they’re going in the trash!”) What’s up with that?

I really can’t imagine using time-out, especially at this age. What would he get out of it? Besides humiliation and the need to rebel? Trying to correct him every time he does something, definitely backfires, I found out today. He’s not Cookie.

and then I will get a break. This is really hard, but I am proud of myself for not losing my patience the last couple days.

Josh is going through a “dumping” phase. “BOTA!” he says as he dumps out anything he can find. My desk drawers, my files, boxes of crayons, rice, the cooler filled with water. I was telling an acquaintenence about this, and she said I should make Josh pick everything up. Then she said I should put him in time-out. Wierd. More on that later.

I mean this in the broadest, most general sense and also in the sense of using only gentle discipline (no punishment.) I really believe that children can be raised without punishement. I believe in treating children with as much dignity and respect as anyone else.

“Discipline” means “to teach”—and I want to raise my son by teaching him, showing him through example, helping him to develop his own sense of judgement. Not by yelling, threatening, hitting, or shaming.

I really like this goal. Just reading it makes me feel more peaceful. I am doing well so far today. Yesterday was difficult, I had to take a few breathers and go in the bathroom and (gently) close the door. He cried pitifully on the other side, but when I came out and played with him he calmed right down and forgot about it.