I’ve been recording my dreams for 4 consecutive days and I keep having the same repetitive schemes that involve my boyfriend cheating on me or leaving me, having bad grades on my exams, or being imprisoned somewhere (Jail or more recently concentration camp).
Those are precisely my obsessive fears. The Fear of being abandoned, of failure, and of being confined (Which is a feeling I always have at school and it leads me to a state that is nearly depressive. My freedom is very important to me.) The association between Jails, concentration camps and school is very obvious in my dreams (Some of the teachers are the guards for example). The thing is I have been on vacation for nearly a month and during the day I do not think at all about school problems, I’m sure I got over it since I’m joining next year a different school that gives a more “liberal” education… So I don’t understand why I always dream about it instead of having interesting, enlightening dreams like I usually do…
With my boyfriends, things are going great, I am still a bit jealous, like I’ve always been, but really less anxious than usual about him leaving me or cheating on me. So I don’t understand why I keep dreaming about it. Actually I am living a wonderful period of my life but my dreams do not reflect it at all, they keep reminding me instead of problems I thought I got over.
As for my exams, I will have my results on Monday so I don’t think I can expect to stop dreaming about it until then.
But maybe this should be taken into consideration. I know my fears haven’t disappeared completely but are latent right now so this could be an warning sign my unconscious mind is trying to send me, like I should actually work on them instead of just distracting myself from them…
I really miss having those wild, strange dreams I usually have and that haunt me all day… I’m really looking forward to those… maybe when I’ll have them I’ll be able to lucid dream again.
