My boyfriend and I were having a phone conversation, and I was, as usual, making 90% of it. I don’t remember what I was talking about so passionately but I know it’s something of trivial importance. I guess I wasn’t making much sense, just getting enthusiastic with words and phrases while he was replying with monosyllabic signs of approval. When I ran out of things to say, he laughed and said I was “such a chatterbox” (He didn’t say it in a rude way, rather in an affectionate-I-accept-your-funny-bad-habits way). After a few moments of frantic disbelief (“What? Me? A chatterbox? No!”) I realized how much the word “chatty” applies to me … And how much I’ve been getting remarks like “Why don’t you try a cure of silence for half an hour?” or “Chill”.
The thing is, I frequently use talking as a way to attract attention and seduce people I like, to define myself. But I am also afraid of uncomfortable silences in conversations, so I guess talking is a way to protect myself as well. If you talk even when you don’t have anything important to say the odds you make a fool of yourself are very high, and instead of appearing witty, or sociable, you just look like the stupid naive girl who isn’t able to zip it.
I have been close to people who talk too much, and I have realized how actually communicating with them is impossible. Those people are so self-centered that they will not take in consideration what you are trying to tell them, and they will go on with their speech and make it obvious how they enjoy just listening to their own thoughts out loud, and that they are really indifferent to you. I don’t want to be one of them. I want my loved ones to feel comfortable while talking to me.
Moreover, listening prior to talking while meeting new people is of vital importance. I think I should resist the chance to “shine” with wits and jokes and try to figure out the person first. This way I would not criticize the church in front of a fervent christian for example…
Okay now I am convinced about the legitimacy of my goal… Though I have no clue how to achieve it. I’ll figure that out. Stay tuned.
