get more organized

goal. I’m organizing my GET ORGANIZED goals. Seems appropriate somehow.

and he (and I, but mostly he) sorted and weeded through boxes of papers. I left a voice mail for DH to buy more manila folders and some pocket file folders to deal with the piles. This is so they don’t just become “mess” again. So, progress! Not earth shattering, but definite progress.

my DH found my keys, in my coat pocket. It was terribly frustrating, but there it was. Also much cheaper than paying a dealer to come out and make a key, which was the alternative!

The other thing that I really want to do with getting organized is getting more of my house cleaning integrated. I already have managed to keep the bathroom sink clean, can keep the citrus/potatoes/onions in the pantry clear of rotting and use them in a timely fashion, mostly, and a few other things. But it seems everytime I find a way to get one item taken care of, another 25 pop into its place, and the place is STILL a mess and I’m still disorganized.

I understand why I was disorganized and messy, it was my camouflage. Everyone I know who’s been abused or really
traumatized has a form of camouflauge. Mine was
being messy. As a small child I decided that I was responsible for my mother’s death, and that was why I was told that I was so horrible. It took me 45 years to really remember that and face it, and deal with it. Now I have (or mostly).

I don’t think I need to hide anymore, but undoing the habits of a lifetime is difficult. Okay, so I don’t need the camouflage anymore. In fact, I like my new, cleaner house and more organized self a lot. But it’s so f’n slow!

Yeah, I know I need to chant my own mantra: measure the progress, not the distance to the goal. But you know? I was messy for a very good reason (I thought.) And you know? That reason is almost entirely gone. So, why can’t I just turn it around?

Sometimes I really, really hate the fact that real change is so f’n slow, you know?

(Sorry about the lines! It was the only way I could get paragraphing to work!)

Rent a car, got home an hour and 1/2 ago, packed real quick, and for the past hour, DH and I have been trying to find the f’n keys!

Ack!!! My subconscious is out to get me, or something. I still had time to do this fairly sanely. Even if I put my hand out, right now and found the key, I’ll have to rush.

I wonder what it is I get out of having to rush?

Dunno. But I wish I’d stop needing it!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!