I have remembered my dreams, three days in a row! [Of course, now that I’ve noticed now I won’t for a while, but I am resigned to that too.] Remembering my dreams has made it hard to get out of bed; it’s rather like having a private movie theater.
In my 20s, I made myself forget my dreams. I’d wake up with whatever emotion the dream created running through my day. Dreams yanked me around emotionally; they were irrational. I was terrified I_was_ crazy and the dreams’ irrationality proved it? In the 30+ years since, I have remembered my dreams 1-3 times a year or maybe less than that. Remembering my dreams three days in a row hasn’t happened in decades.
I had a creative brainstorm a few nights ago as I was trying to sleep. Ideas about creating stuff woke me up, the usual 1,000 notions buzzing. I haven’t been making anything or working on projects, like cards, and I’ve been fighting off depression/hiding/being unproductive.
Wide awake at 2 a.m., I realized the creative vision of our home-to-be is a huge part of why I’ve been able to work so hard at the de-hoarding. When that vision slips or falters, I also lose the energy that keeps me revved and able to do the de-hoarding. De-hoarding isn’t simply an intellectual decision I made, to do a given task in a given time.
I knew that. But I didn’t know that I NEED the creative vision/creativity to keep me emotionally fueled and focused. Rather than dismissing my creative side, I need to nurture it. I use it in the de-hoarding to figure out how to store stuff, what/how to do it, as well as the usual crafting, gardening, etc.
Creativity yields or nurtures dreams, vision & de-hoarding.
The kicker in here (there had to be one) is safety. I create most either when I feel safe OR when I feel very unsafe. Anything other than the two extremes, I have a tendency to believe I’m too busy, adult, intellectual, (fill in the blank) to “play” with creativity. What I’ve learned is that the creativity is not only the way I keep coming at the problem (There’s always another “What if I…?”) but it gives me s the vision of my goal.
And, together those provide the energy and will to make the wanted change reality. Otherwise, it’s the same old swamp, with the usual cast of monsters, nightmares, scar tissue and bleeding wounds. Without the creativity, I am chained in that swamp, with no hope of escape. With creativity? The chains disappear and I can get out.
The creativity isn’t an exercise, a hobby, or a time waster. It’s not only an integral part of what I’m trying to do (goal/vision), the methodology (What if…), but it is the engine that powers the effort. Without it, instead of making strides, I make baby steps and spin around in place, getting not much accomplished, going not much of anywhere!
Whether I am an “artist” or “writer” or “fine arts” person, or not, whether or not what I create is “worthy” or not doesn’t matter. I NEED the creativity. I am a creative person, because without it, the PTSD/abuse win and stubborn bunny that I am, that’s just not acceptable!
