loose 40 pounds

oops…
my vascular problem (see my posts about seeing the Doctor and how my insurance was suddenly terminated) was super super bad this week; I think it’s because I ran out of the medication I was on and thought I’d get away without it until my insurance kicks back in; not a good idea – it got so bad it hurt to walk and I excercised a little less; well – I’m paying for relaxing my already minimal excercise routine, my carb intake is as close to zero as I can keep it; the highest carb item I eat is probably the low carb tortillas I eat – and when it is that I weigh myself might have something to do with with my recent failure; admittedly I weighed myself after excercising the first time, this last time it was right after I ate; so I wasn’t surprised to see some gain; I was expecting to see something like 3 pounds…but it was SEVEN!!!! 7 pounds is nothing to freak out about especially considering the differences I just cited (weighing after excercise as opposed to weighing in after dinner) but none the less, a 7 pound gain doesn’t make me feel proud of myself. No pattin’ me-self on the back this time ‘round.

I have a day off today (Thursday) and hope to make up for the lack of excercise brought on by my worsening health. Day two of back on the meds, I spend over 150 bucks on meds and stuff that I hope will help my condition, and if I can refrain from staying up all night maybe I can have a productive day.
Hoping to resume a lot of activities that I have given up over the last few years, activity of any kind is KEY to both my physical and mental health; I’m thinking of maybe re-starting my psycho therapy with Kris Ann: the only therapist I’ve ever had that had me in tears every session; it was hard in some ways but I felt like I was making some major break-throughs; I have this idea that if I can get my car running, start my psycho therapy, volunteer work, my classes, my music projects and get active at the Greek Monastery I think it will all do me a world of good. Psychological health, Spiritual health and physical health are all tied in together very closely, and I’m crippled on all three legs.

Thanks for the encouragement from my longtime cheer-leader and friend Nuevo Isabellita…and thanks Emi, for the advice about forgetting about the past; although I don’t know if I can ever really completely forget about the past, I do agree with your advice, and realize that I need to get past it, get ‘over’ it, to use it as a learning experience, to forgive myself and others, to get whatever strength I can from those experiences and MOVE FORWARD.

May God help us all-

I was being kind to myself when I said that I needed to loose one hundred pounds – I am obese and terribly over weight – I guess I always struggled with my weight a little bit, but as a guy I didn’t really care all THAT much and I was never obese; a little pudgy; all that changed when I came into middle age and my metabolism changed so radically; I have steadily gained weight until I had by by passed 300 pounds!! When I went to the DOctor and stepped on the scale to see it go up to nearly 335 my jaw almost hit the floor, I couldn’t believe it; even with the anonymity of this post I feel ashamed to even post this. It’s unbelieveable to me.

Well I began my weight loosing efforts around the same time I quit smoking; so I guess it’s been roughly a month, maybe a little less if I count excercise; I started watching what I eat, then began to force my lazy butt to start excercising every day; – I checked my weight today and I’m about 296. I’m still obese but I’ve lost over 30 pounds and I feel hopeful. I am not stopping until I can have some semblance of normalcy again. Obesity sucks!!!!