divorce

I know what I said when I took my vows, but I have been pushed past my breaking point more then once. I actually meet my wife on-line and we use to have the longest talks. Well then after about 2 years of us just talking as freinds we meet and hit it off. Things had gotten serious and to make a long story short we got married. She did have a bit of a past with drugs and abusive relationships plus she had promised me that those days were over.The first thing that should have been a “red flag” was that even before we got married we had some huge arguement which I took full blame for. Then after I moved her to Virginia Beach things seemed to be better then I started to notice her mood swings and how she would start having pitty-me conversation. Now I am in the military and I have to go out and practise, Search and Rescue. Then I found out that she was doing drugs again and that really threw the wrench into the gears. I really can’t stand it when I’m lied to and drugs are just a HUGE No-No with me. After all, I have way too much to lose my clearence and my career. I had to leave and go out on my six month deployment and the night before I left I found out from her that again she was doing drugs. Then again after I got back from a six month deployment she had been doing them. I forgave her becuase I did love her. Then we started to have some horrible arguements and I told her that I hate to argue and I did enough of that with my first wife. Then with each time we argued I was more and more feeling I couldn’t do this anymore. She would lie to me about money and such so that she would have running money, she called it. Then the arguements turned for the worst… She got mad and not being able to control her anger smashed a lamp on the floor, another time she stabbed the couch with a knife, and the one that broke the camel’s back was when she threw a glass vase across the room which smashed to pieces a sliding glass door. I have for the longest time given her worning signs I was falling out of love. I stopped sleeping in the same bed with her, I even told her that she was making me hard and I was putting up an emotional wall. During this time as the arguements went on I would take the long way home after work or make excuses for staying late. I just dreaded going home to the arguing. We have even had arguements over words I would use in converstaions such as mundane and census. We are just on two totaly different levels and I felt that I was walking on eggshells with what to say and what not to say becuase it would lead to a fight. I just can’t take it anymore. I have reached a breaking point and now she knows I want a divorce, she wants to work on our marriage and she is getting pyshological help. Its all just a little to much too late for me. I don’t wish her bad, and I hope that she does get the help that she needs for her; not to save our marriage. I ask you this…how much and for how long can you push a person and they not get to a point when they can’t do it anymore…It all just eroded over time, with each item she broke, each arguement, and all. I, myself, can’t look past the bad things… It seems to me now after arguing with her so much that now she “wants” to work on our marriage its almost like she is being fake. The way she talks, acts and everything just seems to be a show now that she knows I want a divorce. I’m not happy, I’m not in love with her anymore, and sadly to be honest I’m happier when she isn’t around….