get over him

It’s been almost 8 months and I think I may finally be over him.

It hasn’t been easy, and I’m still afraid I’ll slip up. But he gave me no choice but to get over him. He left for the army and didn’t say goodbye.

I know this because I still look at his facebook page and it was all on it. I never got a sorry or anything…but I’m learning that it will never come.

The problem is that I started talking to another guy and we finally hung out last night…we went for coffee, walked on the pier and came back to my place. We had a great time…talked about a lot of things…but he told me those words I hate to hear…”we should just be friends” He says it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt me. argh. Why did he even bother asking me to hang out. We talked about a lot of intimate things, why did he kiss me if he didn’t want anything more than friends. One thing he mentioned is that he is 20 and I am 25…he seems to have a problem with it. He knew the age difference before we hung out. But he did bring it up. He’s very mature, so I don’t see a problem with it.

I’m just done. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want someone to want me. Why isn’t this possible. Why must I keep going through this??

I will probably continue to post some more. Because it helps to get everything out, and I don’t have anyone else to talk to…they are tired of all this BS.

It’s been 6 months since we stopped talking. I haven’t had any contact with him since Feb 3rd. And it still hurts. Not all the time, but there are moments when I just want to cry. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over him. Maybe I’ll always miss him. But I have to remember that he isn’t missing me, he could care less.

I was doing pretty good…and then I read his facebook. I knew that he was graduating and then going back into the army. Well he is and on his page he has all the info. I just started crying. He won’t be in the area anymore (technically he isn’t right now, but not as far) I’m so scared for him. What if something happens? I won’t know, except from his myspace/facebook page. It hurts so much.

When do you finally let go? If anything happened to him I’d feel guilty because I didn’t try hard enough to get him to talk to me…but why? He’s the one that has chosen to completely keep me out of his life and move on. I didn’t even get a go away. All I got was silence.

I need closure. But I don’t think I will ever get it. And I have to be prepared for that. This all sucks. I was almost ready to check this goal off…and I feel like I am starting all over. I want to talk to him. I want to know he’s okay. Maybe I even want to know he moved on…

4 months ago I never thought I’d be where I am today. I am starting to move on. This site has definately helped. I still miss him. I still miss him so much it hurts sometimes, but I am okay without him. I can’t cross this off, but one day I know I will eventually.

Tonight I am going on a date with a guy that I’ve been talking to. We’ll see how it goes.

For anyone that is going through this, trust me when I say it does get better. Take the time to hurt, because in the end it’s better than pushing it to the back of your mind and it keep coming back to you.

I thought I would be over this. I was doing so good…until he signed onto AIM. I thought I had taken him off…apparently not, because when I signed on last night he was on. I’ve been thinking about him a lot today. Why?? He doesn’t care about me…and I shouldn’t care about him. Damn him. I was supposed to be over him at the 3 month mark. I was this close. I hope that in a few days I’ll feel differently and be on my way again. ARGH. How do you guys(the ones that are over him…or on your way) do it????

I can’t say I’m over him…I don’t know if I ever will truly be over him, but I can live without him. I still miss him, but I don’t miss him 24/7. We weren’t right for eachother, because if we were…we’d be together. I don’t hate him, but I don’t like him. I have gotten rid of his stuff…and in 2 weeks (I gave myself 3 months) I will be deleting him from myspace and facebook.

His birthday was on Sunday and I sent him a text (yeah I know I shouldn’t have!) All it said was Happy Birthday. Did he respond back…no, was I upset about it? Only for a few minutes. He doesn’t consume my thoughts anymore. WOW.

I am still waiting for the day that I go a day without thinking about him…maybe I won’t ever be able to, but I do know that it gets easier everyday and life does go on…no matter if you want it to or not.

For everyone who is just starting to go through this please remember it will get better! When I started this blog awhile back, I couldn’t imagine ever being to the point I am now.

We will all get through this!

<3

I still miss him, but I can live without him. It’s been 2 months since we last talked. I haven’t had any contact with him at all. I still have days where I miss him…but he is not comsuming my thoughts all the time.

One thing is that it’s been his choice not to contact me(ie ignoring me)...it’s not like I stopped contacting him. So I am afraid that if he tried to contact me I would fold…I guess only time will tell. The longest we’ve gone without talking (again him who stopped talking to me) is 6 months. When we get to that point..I’ll know it’s for real.

I just re read the above paragraph..and I it’s pathetic that I would even think of taking him back if he did contact me. I don’t need him. He doesn’t deserve me. Now all I need is to actually believe it.

So everyone…happy thoughts that he won’t contact me…and if he does that I will be strong enough to either ignore him like he has done…or tell him I’ve moved on…

It’s been 43 days since we last spoke. 6 weeks. We’ve gone longer than this. This time is for real…he has a girlfriend. And it sucks that he couldn’t have the decency to tell me. Heck, send me a text message…but give me my closure I need. I know, but I need to hear it.

I had a really bad dream about him last night. That he died. It was a long dream…and I woke up practically crying and couldn’t go back to sleep. I texted him and told him that I had a bad dream that something happened to him..and to please sign onto myspace so I could know that he was okay. He signed onto myspace today. I know I shouldn’t care…but I do.

I cannot wait until the day I don’t think about him all day. I will get there…just when I’m not sure. He doesn’t deserve me. And I shouldn’t want him back. I do. I want him to be happy though…and if that means we don’t talk, I can live with that. But I need my closure.

Why oh why do I need closure? Why can’t I just let it go??

This weekend was a fun weekend. I went to visit my best friend. I thought about him just a few times…but it didn’t make me sad. But today has been a hard day. I’m pretty sure he has a new girlfriend. He’s moved on, why can’t I? I guess it’s because I want closure. I want to hear from him that he doens’t like me, that he was playing me this whole time. Without that I just keep thinking that maybe he’ll come around. But with a girlfriend he won’t. Why did I let him have 3 years of my life. I want to get over him, not miss him and really believe that I’m better off without him. I can say it all I want…but I want him. I loved him…there I said it.

I’ve done pretty good…I haven’t checked his facebook, or tried to contact him. I guess it helps that he hasn’t contacted me. I am in a way better mood that I was the last entry. I am going to visit my best friend in 2 days!! YAY. A weekend of fun to look forward to. I hung out with a friend the other night…and we ended up kissing. I’m not sure if he is interested…or if I even am. He keeps texting me…but when I feel someone is even the least bit interested I run the other way. How ironic. There is a guy who doesn’t like me…yet I can’t get enough of him, but when someone is actually interested I run. I am definitely a I want what I can’t have girl…any advice on how to change it? I’ve tried to just ignoring it..but I still run. Help!

I hate this. I was doing so good. Not thinking about him and moving on…then he sent me that IM…and I haven’t been the same since. I think about him constantly. I guess it’s because I have to finally realize that he doesn’t care and is moving on. He let go of this a long time ago. It just hurts so much. It’s been a month since I’ve seen him. I just checked his facebook and saw that he changed his picture =( As much as I thought it was stupid that it was up, I liked it. Now it’s off. Tomorrow is my 25th Birthday…and it’s just depressing.

I have all of his items in a pile…I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it. Everyone keeps telling me to just throw it out. He doesn’t have anything of mine, but if he did I would want it back. What should I do. I did text him saying “I have … and … and … of yours, should I mail them or toss them out” I know he won’t respond. So do I just throw it out. I’d love some advice from people that are going through this.

I really like this site so far. My family and friends don’t help. They’ve been dealing with this for 3 years…so no one has even asked me about it this time. Atleast I can vent on here. Any encouraging words/thoughts?

Thsnks!