follow the Eightfold Path

today, an audio set I bought in October that’s about the lojong practice, led by Pema back in 2000 at the Berkeley Center. Great talk. I hated to see it end, but I’ve restarted it back at disc 1 again! :)

Until recently, I didn’t know that taking one’s vows was to be done in public, ceremonially. I am contemplating taking them in June, but have written to find out if I really qualify, because the prerequisites listed are more than what I have in some areas. Even though I’ve identified myself as Buddhist for about 10 years now and have an ever-deepening spiritual life, still I lack some of the concrete things. I am hoping to receive an affirmation that I have more than enough experience to make me a good candidate. It may take a while.

I feel better now. Listening to Pema always does it for me. I think I’m going to gift myself some more of her words. If you didn’t catch her on Bill Moyer’s On Faith and Reason, head over to PBS and watch it – it’s very good!

I really am trying to take my time with healing from this breakup. I feel that it’s a nourishing thing to do for myself – to allow myself to feel it all and become even more open to the world through it. Groundlessness, definitely, is a big part of it, and it’s important to acknowledge it and stay with it a bit. This is not stuff I want to carry with me forever and let affect all my future relationships. I won’t do that to myself and other people. I have to say that everytime I take a look at what other people write for the goal “get over him,” I feel so moved by all those people who are experiencing it like I am, so much empathy and wanting to make it better. Loss can be a great tool for awakening and I’m not overlooking the value of this event.

I must work more with de-escalating aggression without repressing it. I fear that I may have added to the aggression in the world by writing angrily about him, instead of just sitting with the anger and meditating on it. I am vowing to myself to be more careful about this in the future.

It occurred to me just now that cheering others for things that I am having an issue with is kind of like a form of tonglen. And it does make me feel better.

just now, with SMC – they’ve asked me to downgrade my housing choice to the tents. I stayed in a tent last year and it was fine. I hesitated to say yes, though. I asked for a night to think about it. I feel a little like of course I should downgrade. The only thing is last year they said absolutely no food in the tents, and I have to keep some on hand in case of low blood sugars. I’ve decided just now to call her back and see what her thoughts are on that – if they don’t think it’s a big deal, I’m going to take the downgrade.

Recently, I’ve been in a series of situations in which I felt both hurt and anger over something someone said to me. In almost every case, I managed to refrain from returning hurtful comments in return. It seemed pointless to do so, and I didn’t really want to create more hurt or anger myself. How was that going to solve anything? I’ve come to realize over the past couple of days exactly how much of Pema Chodron’s message I took with me from my last retreat. That one was all about anger and the importance of not bringing more suffering into the world. She stressed that this didn’t mean a rejection or denial of feelings by any means – just that retaliation doesn’t work or lead to peace. I wasn’t consciously thinking about this teaching – it’s more like I’ve absorbed it and have been able to make it my own, more often than not. I feel even more grateful now for having had the chance to hear the dharma from her directly.

I just read on 43 things said:

A tragic irony of life is that we so often achieve success after the reason for which we sought it has passed.
- Ellen Glasgow

Hmm. This is true. It’s ironic too. Is it tragic? I don’t know. An of course, it does depend on time being linear and only moving forward, which I’m not sure about anymore…

“_Always we hope
someone else has the answer.
Some other place will be better,
it will all turn out.
This is it.
No one else has the answer.
No other place will be better,
and it has already turned out._”

“One should not honor one’s own religion and condemn the religions of others, but should honor others’ religion for this or that reason. In doing so, one helps one’s own religion grow, and renders service to the religion of others, too. If acting otherwise, one digs the grave of one’s own religion, and does harm to other religions. Whosoever honors his own religion and condemns that of others does so indeed through devotion to his own religion, thinking, ‘I will glorify my own religion.’ But, on the contrary, in so doing he or she injures his or her own religion more gravely. So, concord is good. Let all listen and be willing to listen to the doctrines professed by others.”

-Emperor Asoka, Inda, 3rd century BCE

today is the Buddha’s birthday. Bon anniversaire, Buddha!