...maybe because I got sleep, or because my house is almost finished getting repaired, or because I’m loved and love so many people…

Also I’m happy I can write in my phone to 43 things …though the page is a little glitchy..haha…it flickers all over the place….

I’ve been thinking about it lately…
There are people out there that rely on the thoughts of others to make their life a success.
I met some of these people as a kid.
One time I was drawing and made a picture of the interior of a house that made me very happy, proportions, perspective, everything was there, but with a lot of erasing and rethinking.
There comes a girl and copies my finished drawing exactly but clean(since she didn’t have to do all the thinking).
She gets an A, and I don’t…
That made me so angry, and I felt cheated.

The vampires didn’t stop there, they have been around all my life, some are blunt and take the ideas exactly, others are courteous vampires who give credit to their sources, and there are even those vampires who take and try to destroy you after, I feel sorry for this kind because like vampires they have to rely on others to survive.

That doesn’t mean being inspired by others is becoming a vampire all the time, it is human nature to imitate, and that keeps us going forward. Someone improves someone else’s ideas and we advance.

I learned to live with them, and even appreciate some of them.

And in a way the little blood they suck does not kill me, and if it does some good to the world by proxy…good, even if the world doesn’t know, I get a satisfaction to know that something in me sparked others to catch on fire.

I do recognize myself in their work and makes me go hmmmmm really?

Where are you 43ers?

: )

A lot of us 43ers have been sucked by FB.
It is not better than 43things, but it is quicker paced, and easier to keep up with everybody.
Or at least it gives the illusion, because some of my favorite people don’t post as much.
I miss the stories like the heroic pancakes.
And the long threads, and parties.
How are you my 43ers that haven’t been sucked in, or at least that have been able to keep up with both places?

I have 7 kids in my house right now, 4 are mine and 3 are a friend’s they get along so well, and fit right in.
It is temporarily which is fine, is giving me the taste of the big family I would love to have but we won’t because I had to compromise with Mark, I think we already have more kids that he hoped for already.
This is good, and when cousins get together is like that as well…is ok, I’m happy to settle. I also love my smallish family of 4 kids, and my bonus daughter (that while not with physically is part of our family dynamics, we talk to her, about her, look up to, and worry).

November of 2009 I did a lot and gave 43 cheers, I wish it was more but it 43 is cool.

So much to do in the real world to spend time here talking about it, but maybe this year I can share a bit more than last.

It is February… and in 10 days….

:)

Is My BirthdaY!

mmmm no I didn’t just come back to 43 things to celebrate MY birthday… but :\ it is better with chocolate my 43ers :D

I’ve been thinking about this choice to be happy a lot, we do have the power to choose to be happy.

It is all the way we see things, I mean really. I’ve been with people who lived in dirt floors and cardboard boxes and were happy. I wondered about it since, what makes people happy, what makes me happy.

To me it is about the expectations, what we think is owed to us. What we perceive the world has to be like and work.
If I want to be happy I have no expectations.
We enter voluntary contracts to have other people make expectations of us, and give expectations in return. Sometimes we are just placed in places involuntary, we don’t choose the families we were born to, but once we are there what do we expect is key.

My breakthrough thought this morning, is to apply my philosophy to not just my friends, and my kids. (I reluctantly extended this years ago to my family, it was hard to let go of expectations as a kid when it came to parents, but I did.) I thought, my husband deserves me to extend the courtesy too, and instantly I got happier.
I’m generally happy with him, and appreciative, but there is always that “contract” hanging over our heads, the one we made to show the world we were committed to each other, well I say drop that. I choose to love this man, and I choose to do it right because I want to, but I will not expect anything from him. And no, my way of seeing things does not leave me off the hook, or him, it just makes us responsible of our own choices. Mine don’t depend on his.

I’ve been thinking a lot about institutions, and things someone set and we all take for granted, or for fact.
I was raised in the Catholic faith, and in it I was taught God gave us freedom, I do believe that, yes I take all the expectations I have of God for my happiness, but I appreciate it yet more.
I choose to be free, of even my religion. Not that I’m shedding it, but I’m choosing to make my own mind, and I’m responsible of my choices.

My happiness depends on me only, sometimes is such a bliss to stand alone and reach out to love the way we choose to, and appreciate every ones efforts and love so much more.

Today I choose to smile.

:) ahhhhh!

...and I posted it on FB, I wonder if it is about time I merged the two of them…would there be too much revelation for my family or some old friends to take?
Anyways here is yesterday morning for my 43things.
I woke up early at 6:00 am, not a sign of headache, facebooked for about one hour and had a cup of coffee; then a chocolate and I went for a ride, to my favorite path.
The nature trail goes downhill all the way to the lake in three stages; the grassy path, the winding rocky path and the steep gravel path. When I was on stage 2 so sure I’ll make it to the gravel without breaks the dogs came running in the other side of a very short fence (they could easily jump it if they wanted to), barking their jaws out, they startled me and the Cheeto so much we pulled in different directions and fell, my leg sandwiched between the handle and the frame, OUCH!!! Wondering if the dogs would jump and come after us I got up and tried going again, but fell in the other side on my mud spot, back again! When we caught speed a rock stopped me abruptly tossing me forward, at this point all I wanted was be down at the lake. Finally I made it to the gravel but there was not closing my eyes this time, shaking like an old lady with Parkinson’s (no offense I love them) I made it down to the water. The shore was so different, reshaped by the storms, so full of treasures and driftwood. I tried balancing on the wood but because I was still shaky I couldn’t do it much.
I went up my tree, and sat there breathing slowly, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sound of the water and the rustling leaves, the dogs kept barking, slowly I blocked their yapping until only the water sound slapping the beech was left, I didn’t noticed but the dogs stopped barking on their own.
I was so calm that started falling sleep, it felt so good the wind on my toes and my hair, and the lullaby of the leaves and the water, then a leaf fell in my nose and I open my eyes to the most wonderful sight ever since I discovered that place. Hundreds of ducks flying close to the water in V formation were changing the whole landscape from blue water to shimmering black water. I sat there amazed and remembered I had my camera, clumsily got it out of my pouch and snapped the worst shot ever, tried to zoom in and the dumb thing shut off, I hated it’s guts like never before, but decided it wasn’t worthy to spoil that moment. Soon the ducks were gone and the peace of the water was restored.
I felt so calm! So good! A fisherman’s boat passed by and the men in it waved; the dogs started their yapping again, I ignored the dogs and waved back, they kept going.
Alone again I felt like exploring further, and so I went up a different hill, it was full of overgrown brush, bugs, and little lizards. I found berries and the caveman explorer of my previous life (I was the one they send first to taste the food and explore for danger) made me taste them. Ewww they were awful! Surely poisonous, so I spit them out. I got to the top, and what seemed to be a never before explored land, had a chopped tree just so, that it made it the perfect stand at the highest point with the most perfect view of the lake and the surroundings. I stood there balancing on it then closed my eyes, and imagined a red atmosphere and red water surrounding my little chopped log with no land on the horizon anywhere. That image and the sounds of nature filled me with peace again, but then came loneliness so, in my mind the red turned green then blue to match the true landscape and opened my eyes. I noticed the moon was still there very pale, not wanting to leave it’s beautiful reflection in the lake. After a while it faded to another part of the world where it is needed to light up the sky.
I had to leave too, even if I didn’t really feel like it; this time I took the long way. I had forgotten how long the long way was, my legs started to burn and the ride uphill seemed never ending.
My motherly instincts reminded me of hungry kids waking, and asking for breakfast, that made me go faster.
I got home and was greeted by a 5 year old with, there you are! I want eggs and cereal! …ummm good morning to you too sweetie! So I came to write this to get my breath back.
Now I’ll stop writing and I’m going to feed them, because they started making noise in the kitchen.
What a morning!! Let’s see what the afternoon brings…

Halloween!!!
From the country to the heart of the city, we trickortreated.
As always I wasn’t finished with the costumes, but managed to fix the last bit and make them stay put.
Our neighborhood has the houses quite apart from each other and the walk to the doors are far from the road. So the city gives a hay ride to the kids, but we missed it :(, so we walked…30 minutes later we had covered 3 neighbors…
So we left a giant bowl of chocolates at our door, and joined the cousins at my sister’s house in the heart of the city.
People go all out for Halloween there, it was like Diagon Alley , crowded with witches and other scary costumes, and cute adorable kids. The people decorate their old homes so well, spider webs, jack o lanterns, smoke machines, actors being vampires or possessed, chasing the kids of their lawn.
We walk up and down my sister’s street, went to her house where she had made warm apple cider, and pumpkin cupcakes, and chocolate cupcakes. The kids took a break and curious as how the wealthy do it we went to their street next, it is only a few blocks away on that very diverse down town.
The decorations were magnificent, but most or all the houses had the entrance blocked by tape or webs or other things to keep the peasants out. They were having private parties and would look at us on the streets over their perked up noses.
A very nice lady dressed as Mary Poppins handed out candy, the chimney cleaner was behind, both incredible costumes.
We couldn’t find ONE house giving candy to kids. The porches were lit, and we walked up, in one my little wild thing walked first and a lady from the other side of the glass door signal NO to her, she stood there head to the side for about a minute trying to decipher if the lady was telling her to wait or to go, then she turned around and still with a quizzical expression sat there for another minute until the rest of the kids call her to keep walking.
Then we saw the one house that looked like was honoring the tradition, and people sitting at the well decorated porch holding a bowl were smiling, we walked all the way to the door and then they said… Now tenemows doulces!!! And laughed…
The kids walked heads down to us and we took them home.
On the way back we saw a house in the in between neighborhood, it was lit and decorated and had a sign to go take candy. The kids went up there cautiously, since the house looks haunted even not in Halloween; the overgrown grass and unpainted wall boards are not very welcoming at all. They went up the creaking steps, and looked at the bowl, the candy looked like it was from another era, and when we picked it it was sticky on …the outside…ewww
We ran down the steps and the creepiest Jack o lantern I’ve ever seen seemed to say…come insideeeeeee
AHHHHHH
we went back home in our sugar rush, but crashed anyways.
It was quite a Halloween and I loved every bit of it.