Well I’m not feeling so frusterated today. I’ve accepted that I’m broke and I simply can’t afford any pot right now. My kids come first. I’ve decided to use this current situation to attempt to keep my brain focused on anything but pot. I’ll make it through the night, accept I may not have many friends left. I was visiting a fellow Chronic, who was out too. But she had a friend coming to visit, and well I actually felt Jelous because she was also talking about going to the food bank, and asking for only a few items. Meanwhile I’m literally wasting away, trying to make sure my kids don’t go hungry. So I concluded although I am jelous and pissed off, it is ultimatly MY PROBLEM. And well, only one person can deal with it. ME I need luck LOL
I am going to join Belly Dance lessons.
Karmarules has written 6 entries about this goal
Does anyone else feel that way??!!!! You know I’d be able do handle this bullshit much better if I wasn’t in such a shitty position financially.
I can’t do it, I am miserable, and angry, and I just can’t quit. I’m also broke, and pretty much feeling like giving up everything!!
Patience, and acceptance. Patience, because you are your own worst enemy, and you need to be patient with your mind and body, because it isn’t aware of what has happened. Your brain, specifically, has become accustomed to having THC, and if it isn’t there it is lost. ANd once it starts to produce its own happy drug {because we all got our own personal brand of happy drug in us, I believe it is called seritonin.} However in the meantime, you could find yourself having a difficult time managing your emotions. Which will be out of wack, and mostly negative. Keep busy. Live life by the minute.
Do you remember those last few days before Christmas, when you were a child? The anticipation, the excitement, the frusteration, and eventually that moment arrives, and is gone as fast as it came. Well I can compare the journey of quitting toking to that feeling as a kid. It is simular in some ways. No matter what is happening in your life the clock will keep ticking.
Ok, well today is my first day. I find it to troubling to think about quitting, and to even think as far ahead as Saturday {today is thursday} I’ve got the sweats, and my lungs hurt. I don’t know if I am catching a chest cold, or if it has something to do with my body wanting it.
Knowledge is definatly power. I know about the drawbacks, and the benafits of pot. I know that I am feeling pretty blue, and it is because I’ve stopped toking. I can honestly say on average I spend about 25 bucks every three days. Now that isn’t offical, it is simply a guess. Ok so after 6 days 50 after 12 days 100 after 24 days 200 plus another 6 days to complete a 30 day cycle. So about 250 {most likely more, because I’ve seen myself sit and smoke a gram and a half in one night.} So now that I know the amount of money I paid for the resin in my lungs, the bad breath, the smokers cough, and the wasted time. I’m displeased with myself right now, and honestly I feel I should give myself a spanking!! SO I’ve basically decided to just stop buying it. In order to quit I would need at least 3 days of solitude. I’m a single mom, of two kids, solitude just isn’t going to happen. So I’m living my life second, by second. I’m going to go now, kids are outside playing, normally I’d be hiding and toking. We’ll see how tonight goes.
Yeah that’s right. I can no longer avoid it. I started with Hash at 15 smoked pretty heavily till I crashed and burned at the age of 16. I went through withdrawls when I came off of Hash, and while I was in the process of picking up my broken peices, at 16, I met a man and fell head over heals in love. He was 23. Him and I were together for 4years, we had two kids together. I took the kids when I left, in the year 2000, and that is when I started with pot. I’ve been an on and off again user since then and here is why.
I love the feeling when I’m high. I feel more relaxed, and I do get depressed. I have two “special neeeds” children and I am raising them alone. I deal with a lot of stress. I know I can stop. I’ve done it many times. But this time I need to stay stopped. My lists of reasons to stop is very long. I get very moody, and find even the simplest of tasks to be difficult. I get to the point where I can’t sleep.I have to be very carefull not to take it out on them. But my son is turning ten, I have to clean my pipe at least once a week, I can’t imagine what my poor lungs look like, I’ve been coughing up resin, and I simply can’t afford it. Even though it isn’t really that much of a problem, because everyone I know does it too, I’d still like to stop now. It is just that these next few days are going to be VERY HARD!!!!!!!! I wanna cry just thinking about it, but I’ve strengthen my resolve. And I am going to succeed, I just need to take things one minute at a time.
