get through my quarter-life crisis

Thus, I should be out doing…anything.
But I’m not. 6 months bartending in a 3-deep crowd and now, just nothing. I’m completely distraught over the decision to go to grad school for International Business Communications (which I like) or update my signing skills and go work for the CIA (at the starting rate of oh, $69-107k/year for PART TIME work).

My To-Do list, which I thought was the cause of all my problems is To-Done. In my Daily Folder there’s a business card so I can call the beading place and sign up for another class, a list of birthdays I want to remember, a reminder to exercise, floss, and come up with something for mom’s big 5-oh birthday (in two months), a job descript on the above mentioned CIA position, and a list of grad school related decisions. That’s it. It feels so… empty.

I wrote my CV today and sent it to the company that requested it. I cleaned out my ENTIRE inbox. I looked online for potential grad schools. I’m trying to not let long-distance boyfriend be a factor in my decision making.

I’m trying to not cry over the whole stupid thing.

What went wrong? Why am I panicking over the point I spent the past 6 months working towards? I worked to get up-to-date, and now I feel panicked and unprepared.

I keep filling up my coffee cup so I can empty it and look for answers, but it won’t give me any.

I’m not through it in the sense of perfect job, cute little apartment somewhere, etc. But I’m over the crisis part of “I don’t know what I’m doing and everyone else does!” Mostly, I’ve realized I’m right on track and probably slightly ahead of the game because I know everyone’s in the same boat! ;) But being able to calm down has helped me to move forward with turning ambiguous goals into slightly more defined ones.

for all of us 20somethings out there, “Quarter-life Crisis” by Robbins and Wilner (as mentioned by another 43er); is really helpful. It sure calmed me down to read about others in similar situations.

And to go along with the theme of 20somethings barely scrounging by, I found it last night at Barnes and Noble for less than $7.