Bring my Paganism out of the broom closet

Today, being Easter, I’m forced to spend time with “family.” Instead of politely nodding and silently agreeing with the tales of their mythology, I’m going to offer alternative explanations. People may think it’s wrong to try to “destroy” others beliefs on their holy days, but no one thinks twice of demonizing my beliefs or defiling my sanctuary (the earth itself.)

Worst thing that can happen? I’m never invited to Easter dinner again. Which is actually the best thing that can happen!

As I was just roaming aimlessly ‘round the Net, I came across a woman’s blog. This woman proclaims herself a high priestess of some hoity-toity wiccan traditional whatever. That’s fine. She goes on in a grand pooh-bah type of manner at how much she can teach everyone, etc. Wonderful, go for it. Then I see pics of her and her “high priest” leading a sabbat rite…in jeans, t shirts and sneakers.

I’m not saying that you have to be like Laurie Cabot who has made a career of dressing in flowing black with a half inch of eyeliner around each eye to prove how witchy she is. At least she has some pride in her witchiness.

But when some self-proclaimed HP talks down to everyone via her blog who didn’t go to HER school and learn HER ways (hello xtian dogma) then dresses like she raided the bargain bin at Wal mart for a ritual…I have a problem seeing her as in touch with the Divine at all.

It’s different if you’re out hiking in the woods and do something spontaneous: by all means wear long pants, ticks don’t care who they suck on. But it seems to me that people who fall into a cookie cutter appearance yet declare themselves representative of a community that isn’t exactly mainstream, well, it seems a bit more like having a “meat is murder” bumper sticker on your car while driving up to McDonalds to order a Big Mac.

I think I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but there’s a pagan shop I just can’t bring myself to shop in because the shopkeeper is one of these plastic witches. She looks like she just rolled out of bed and she’s chatting about American Idol while munching on Taco Bell. How non-magickal and un-natural can you get? Give me some atmosphere, woman!

If you want to keep your beliefs to yourself, that’s fine. But if you elect yourself as town Priestess, make an effort so people don’t mistake you for a guest on Jerry Springer. Please.

...and today’s entry describes my Samhain 2008. Too long for 43T. (Look over to the right under About Me.)

If you don’t see it, here: http://cafepangaea.wordpress.com/

I know my mother and my mother-in-law will see this, eventually. I’m out! lol

Samhain is the New Year, so I think it’s the perfect time to be more open about my spiritual beliefs with everyone. This isn’t about proselytizing, it’s about being who I am.

I find it most difficult with people like my in-laws, because they are very entrenched into their Catholicism. I can handle debate as to why I believe what I do, but I have trouble dealing with the very common attitude of “my religion is right and you must be a freak to consider any other one.” It’s nearly impossible to discuss against someone with complete faith in what they believe. Annoyance comes when they refuse to believe any other religion exists.

I try to avoid the superficial pagans…you know the ones I mean. The websites that sell spells, or blinking pentacles or neon candles. The myspace pages with lots of glittery, gorgeous depictions of “witches.” The groups that insist there is only one way to correctly cast a circle. The people who think a plastic chalice is “good enough.”

I went into a semi-local occult shop a few months back and I was appalled. It was cluttered with junk. It was completely ingenuine, as if just putting a purple star on a box made it Wiccan. It did have a nice herb section though. I made my selection and went up to the counter, or what looked like might be the counter. It was completely covered with catalogs, papers, calculators, invoices…just a mess. The shop owner didn’t look much better. She was wearing one of those wal-mart t-shirts with an ironed on picture of a deer. Her glasses were smudged and I think I may have woken her from a mid-morning nap.

I’m not saying you have to dress like a business-person, but this situation just epitomized what is wrong with the neo-pagan movement: half-assed-ness. You shouldn’t be able to bop yourself on the head with your newly purchased wand and say “I’m a witch now…watch out!” If you’re out for power or money through paganism, then maybe you shouldn’t be in it. These people say they’re REAL witches/pagans, then they continue to live according to capitalist ideals and patriarchal morals. When you change your ideology, and let’s face it, most pagans are not born pagan, you have to CHANGE. If you want respect from others as a female, you have to be able to respect yourself first. If you revere nature, you should do what you can to protect it and not invest in plastic crap. Wearing a pentacle does not make you pagan, any more than wearing a cross makes you a good christian. There must be intention and action to support it.

This is what I want to convey to others who degrade my beliefs (although I can understand to a point why they do it, because it seems those who they see most often are the pseudo-pagans I’ve described above.)I think the only way I can really do it is to live according to my beliefs, but do it out loud. Really commit to environmental clean-ups and not just sign online petitions. Care for animals in my area and not just flash my ASPCA card. Give my neighbors homemade fudge for Yule, even the annoying ones. Ignore the Halloween tackiness and create a rich tradition for Samhain where everyone can honor their ancestors. Stuff like that.

Enough talking. Time to act.

Tonight before my full moon observance, I did a “simul-cast”- a meditation at the same time as people all over the world. It was for healing Gaia, aka our planet Earth. I envisioned holding the Earth, which as wide as my arms reach, and for 13 minutes poured out healing light and elemental energies to the entire planet and its inhabitants. I noticed that the Earth itself is comprised of the healing colors: blues, greens, and whites, as seen from space. It was wonderful to know that others, in their own manner, were focusing on the same thing, all over the world.

Afterwards, I began my works, listening to a CD that a friend burned for me called Returning, which was recorded in a cave. It was perfect. Even my dog stopped trying to knock my altar over while I was working, and the kitties laid all around, watching peacefully.

A strange thing happened right before I did the healing meditation. It had to be done at 10pm EDT (GMT -4 to coincide with others)and as soon as I lit the sage to purify the room, my cell phone rang. I really don’t use my cell phone, and I wondered who was calling at that hour. It ended up being a wrong number, but it rang at precisely 9:59pm…perhaps a reminder from the other realms that it was time?

It was another type of reminder also. Earlier tonight, I finally broke my writer’s block and got some good stuff done. My financial concerns have been worrying me lately, stifling my creativity. If the Divine can remind me when to do a little meditation, won’t it take care of me in other ways if I stop worrying and trying to make things happen?

I thought about how I was concerned with money and prosperity, Earth based needs. But I was ignoring the other elements. Air is intellect and sound; I had stopped listening to both human music and nature’s music, and my head was trying to think too much. Fire is passion, and I was choosing to ignore my passion and inspirations in favor of writing boring things for other people’s money. Water is emotion and creativity, and I was overwrought with fear, but not expressing anything through creative means. Everything was out of balance, both too much and too little at the same time.

Everything heals with balance, including ourselves, our problems, and our Earth. Obsession only leads to imbalance.

I can be everything I want to be in this life. I can be a writer, an artist, a musician, a world traveler, a scholar of world religions and cultures, a healer using massage and herbal oils, a devoted pet mom, a sensual lover, a loyal friend, a brewer of great coffee, a vegetarian, a biker, a neo-eco-feminist, a gardener, a rockhound, a tarot reader, a computer geek, and yes, a witch. Actually, I think I already am most of those!

I can’t wait to see what’s next!

I think that being able to choose your spiritual path is much healthier than staying in the one you were raised in because you’re expected to. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t stay in the one you were raised in-but you should know it’s origins, it’s faults and it’s reason for modern existence. If you can still honestly support it after knowing the seedy side, then by all means, stick with it.

I was attracted to paganism primarily for it’s connection to nature and the natural rhythms of our environment. There is balance everywhere, the planet is constantly changing and adapting itself. The thing that made me leave Christianity was it’s inconsistency with natural laws. When everything on Earth is created through both positive and negative energy (female and male, electrons and protons, etc) then why would one male god create this system that he himself didn’t experience? He’s jealous, he wants praise, he thinks women are subhuman, he’s sadistic and calls the most simple-minded, depraved, drunken men “holy.”

Anyway, before I write a book here on that topic, I’ll turn to my point today. I don’t really know what to call myself, since there is such diversity under the “pagan” label. I’m not really attracted to the animal killing types, but I understand them. I’m not especially enamored by the airy-happy-fluffy-clouds-and-tofu-lollipops type either. I believe there is more life than we can see (elementals, spirit guides) but I don’t spend my time looking for trolls under my bed. I am not a Wiccan by definition (the Gardenerian religion started in the 50s), and some wouldn’t accept me calling myself a Witch, although I think it’s the closest to my ideology. What really disturbs me is the constant bickering about who is a “real” witch and who isn’t. “No, you CAN’T burn a BLUE candle today!! Only RED!!” “You’re not a REAL witch if someone didn’t tie you up naked and blindfolded you and initiated you correctly!” Why am I being dictated to about how I feel about things? Why try to squeeze my spiritual life into a box? Fine, don’t call me a witch. But I’m not changing myself to suit a definition that doesn’t fit me, sorry. That smacks of Abrahamic dogma if you ask me.

So today is Lughnasadh, Feast of the First Harvest. I do love the eight sabbats, and I have read some on how you’re “supposed” to celebrate them. Today is especially powerful for certain magicks, and I planned a big, grandiose solitary ritual.

Well the time came to do it and it just didn’t feel right. It felt like I was “acting.” I want my spirituality to be a part of my life, not exist only in some other world that requires my setting up a hundred things to be over with in 15 minutes.

So I asked out loud, what do I do? Then I heard the words in my head: Do it your way. So I put on some meditation music, lit a candle and some sage, poured a glass of spring water and held my favorite crystal, and I just talked to them all: the spirit guides, the Goddess, the God, the elements. I meditated until I could feel what I wanted, then released it.

After it was done, I looked at the clock. An hour and a half had gone by! I felt like I really accomplished something in my way, in my time and that gave it even more power, in my opinion.

Today I bought beautiful sunflowers, I made the most delicious homemade bread (kneading and punching dough is VERY therapeutic!)and I tended my container garden, harvesting little cherry tomatoes that burst with flavor in your mouth.

I did what I wanted, and I’ve never felt better about it.