Take control of my life by improving my relationships

With Mum…I seek her approval, yet I don’t look up to her, she is certainly not my role model. In fact, I aspire not to be her. I seem to go round and round in circles of this relationship, never stopping at a place where things are good between us. It goes up when she approves of something I do, then down when she disapproves of the decisions I make. I just wish she could trust my judgement more and simply be happy for me for once.

Go home this weekend, have a niggling feeling at the back of my mind that if I spend more time with Mum, things may get a bit better between us. Preferrably short periods of time I think.

So things are okay, if not good with Dad now. Trying my best to get along with Mum, but honestly, the woman just drives me up the wall. But I went home for a week for the holidays and we had only one big…let’s say tiff, so that’s a massive improvement. Stepped outside to calm down a bit, so at least it didn’t lead to yelling. Funny how just seeing the night sky gives you so much perspective and reminds you how insignificant things are. But I’m still not too sure at how to improve this relationship :S

it was an e-mail. A very very honest e-mail that made me consider that it certainly does take two to tango. Just I’m a very stubborn person and when Dad didn’t ring, then I didn’t want to ring him back… But yeah, we’ve decided that we both need to try a lot harder to make this relationship work, starting from now. And I rang Dad today and he rang me back :) So getting there with this goal.

so Dad rang me for my birthday yesterday and acknowledged my letter, letting me know that he wasn’t pissed off-a good thing as I thought he was just going to ignore it. So he’s told me he’s going to respond to it and honest way. That makes me incredibly nervous, but I have to do this. So waiting on a letter from him now I guess.

I sent a letter to Dad last Wednesday basically stating that he should make an effort to involve me in his life more or to not contact me at all. (It sounds very harsh, but I did articulate it in a much nicer way) I’ve just had enough of some people treating me the way they do! I need to sort out my relationships that need sorting in order to grow as a person. So first step Dad, (which is much easier because he lives 12 hours away…)second step Mum.

When I was 9, my parents divorced. My dad now lives 12 hours away and to feel that I am in control of my life, that nothing is holding me back, I think that I need to confront him as to what happened all those years ago and why he does not seem to want myself and my sister in his life. In addition to that, I will also need to talk to certain friends, some of whom who have not treated me well lately. Also, my relationship with my mum could be a lot better, we tend to argue a fair bit, although this has greatly improved since I have moved out. I think I need to tell her that I feel she has put me down quite a bit in the past, not too sure if she realises how big an affect that had on me. And after doing all this, hopefully I will finally feel in control!

having TALKS with people in my life who have ever hurt me. (yes, very serious with the capital letters ;) And forgive them completely