Choose not to be a victim any more- work on letting the past be in the past!

Thanks to 3200 – stole this goal off his list- it’s mine now- it’s such a good one. I do have to take responsibility. Not for what people say to me, but how I react to it. Thought I was sailing along smoothly yesterday, until, a co worker made a comment that really hurt me. Someone found a shirt in the parking lot- brought it in, and asked if it was any of ours- I looked at it and said it’s my size, but it’s not mine- then I said that maybe it was a co-worker’s girlfriends, since he had parked her u-haul from her moving here in the parking lot for a day, maybe something fell out? My co-worker proceeded to say ” I don’t think his girlfriend is that big”. And well, it hurt me. I told her too. I said I don’t appreciate that comment- you know I just said that was my size. I wanted to add BITCH on the end of it , but didn’t. She said she didn’t mean anything by it- but come on. Another person did the same thing to me this weekend- said something about her aunt who was “even bigger than you”. I just don’t get it. Why is it ok to do this? Why does it hurt me so much? I mean would someone ever say – gosh that person is even more retarded than you (to a mentally ill person) or gosh her nose was even bigger than yours (to someone with a big schnoze) or anything like that? I don’t think so. But weight- well a lot of people are disgusted by fat people. They think fat people are lazy, dumb and plain disgusting. Well we’re not. You know I try to think about all the blessings in my life, I do- but I can’t help but to believe that things would be better if I were smaller. I just can’t help it! It could be worse, I know- I could be blind, or deaf, or I could be paralyzed- or DEAD. I have to focus on the ills from which I am exempt (JOUBERT). But sheesh. I can’t let these people make me the victim all the time. I can’t play the victim anymore. I can’t continue on like this. I am trying to get this weight off- it’s a slow process- I am watching my calories and exercising every night. I can’t help but to believe in the back of my mind that this is it though. I am fat. It’s the way I have been all of my life. It’s the way God made me. I know there is a reason for it and I don’t think that I am going to be happy until I accept it and move on. Get over it. Love myself the way I am. Take a cue from those people who are in it to win it- they don’t accept societies view- they only accept their own. Lord, help me to view myself as ok. And please, let my co-worker trip while walking down the hall. (JUST KIDDING)
Love, Myself