Have a totally different life by this time next year

I think I’ve essentially done this at this point. I got a job recently, a salaried position on a political campaign, whihc is something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ll be taking a leave of absence from college. I’m theoretically coming back in January, but I think I’m ready to be done being a full-time student. After the campaign, I’ll ethere join the navy (another life goal) or move to a larger city to finish college and work part time.

revised list of life-changing goals — 1 month ago
1.) be self-supporting

2.) find a small cluster of friends who I can really share my fears, hopes, and deep thoughts with

Sabrina, Alaina, Sam – still working on this

3.) play a sport

4.) join the military

5.) get a job that I actually like

6.) get involved in tech theater

7.) loose my fear of performing in front of people

8.) try acting, no matter what anyone else thinks DONE! I am an extra in Sweeney Todd. That’s more than enough acting for me.

9.) grow in Christ

10.) experience less stress and anxiety on a day-to-day level

This has been my major achievement of the semester. I am know longer a walking pile of nerves.

11.) have a mutually fulfilling romantic relationship

12.) get a boyfriend or a girlfriend

I have started dating.

12.) do my own cooking and grocery shopping

14.) get back into speech and debate

15.) be recognized for my writing

I have had two teachers in the creative writing department tell me that I have a lot of talent.

16.) become the go-to person for my friends

17.) Have an agent by January ‘09

18.) come out of the closet/be comfortable with being bi

I told a new friend that I liked girls last week.

19.) stop being such a sheep about sharing my faith

20.) manage my time effectively

21.) finish a feature-length film script

I have completed a first draft.

22.) finish two pilot episodes

23.) finish a book of short stories

24.) get fit

I go to the gym three or four times a week, but have actually gained weight, so I’m not sure if this counts. I’m thinking about making it a goal to loose twenty pounds, but I’m not sure I can realistically get to the gym more than I already am.

25.) become more musical/start playing an instrument

I’ve started singing in the production of Sweeney Todd my friend is running.

1.) be self-supporting

2.) find a small cluster of friends who I can really share my fears, hopes, and deep thoughts with

3.) play a sport

4.) join the military

5.) get a job that I actually like

6.) drop out of college

7.) get involved in tech theater

8.) loose my fear of performing in front of people

9.) try acting, no matter what anyone else thinks

10.) grow in Christ

11.) experience less stress and anxiety on a day-to-day level

12.) have a mutually fulfilling romantic relationship

13.) get a boyfriend or a girlfriend

14.) do my own cooking and grocery shopping

15.) get back into speech and debate

16.) be recognized for my writing

17.) become the go-to person for my friends

18.) Have an agent by January ‘09

19.) come out of the closet/be comfortable with being bi

20.) stop being such a sheep about sharing my faith

21.) manage my time effectively

22.) finish a feature-length film script

23.) finish two pilot episodes

24.) finish a book of short stories

25.) get fit

26.) become more musical/start playing an instrument

I guess I’ve been working on this goal without consciously realizing it. I’ve made progress on #1, 5, 7, 9 and 10 all in just a semester.

9 and 10 – I went to the poetry reading and I’m an actor in the ensemble in a student production of Sweeney Todd. I’m not sure whether I’m going to continue this goal actively after Sweeney is over or not. I’m glad I’m putting myself out there and it’s good to push myself occasionally, but acting is, quite simply, not really one of my gifts. I have hard time of assuming any kind of stage presence at all. I’m much more comfortable with invisible, behind-the-scenes power. But I’m glad I’ve tried it again.

Goals number 1, 5, and 7 all kind of fall under the same thing at this point. I’m joining the military this year. I’ve thought about exhaustively since my sophomore year of high school and I’m at the right point in my life for it. I don’t have too many romantic conceptions of what military life will be like, I accept the struggles that come with it, I’m willing to uproot myself and move a lot. Most of all, though, I’m ready to be financially seperated from my parents. It would really be the best move for all of us. I’m sad and a little scared to leave college. It really has been the two best years of my life. But this is the next right move for me to make. I’m planning on giving the recruiter a call on Monday.

So I went to the poetry reading and survived. My reading was a little shaky, but I showed up and I read. So I guess that’s a bit of progress. Next year I want to be able to try acting and perform confidently.

So, I guess I’m working on number nine. I signed up for a poetry reading that’s tonight. There are signs up all over campus and my name is actually on them. I’m such a modest person, any kind of recognition really bothers me. As soon as I saw the signs, yesterday, I wanted to call the whole thing off. I’m sick with a cold and I guess I hoped I would wake up too sick to read today. As it is, I’m slightly calmer now. I’m trying to pretend that I’m visiting my hidden, more-confident, “ten years in the future” self. I competed in Speech and Debate one year in high school and I wasn’t scared then. I’m trying to re-capture that mindset.

Well, I was thinking about this goal some more in class today and one thing that I realized was that I really want is a good roommate. I’m interested in having an apartment, but I definitely don’t want to be stuck in one all by myself. I have a hard enough time leaving my dorm room some days, I couldn’t imagine being by myself off-campus or on the far edge of campus. I have a couple of people in mind if I decide to try the off-campus move again, and I just had a talk with a good friend of mine about possibly moving into one of the on-campus apartments together next semester.

Well, I guess this makes a small dent on both number three and twenty-one: I went to watch Supernatural with my friend Sabrina,who I started to get to know last year and ended up spending almost two hours there gossiping and talking about boys, life, etc. This is the second time that we’ve hung out and really talked on a deep level. I like her. She’s sweet and studying to be a counselor once she gets out of school. I think she’ll make a good one.

Twenty-one, well, this will take a lot longer and I may even wind up deleting this as I continue to think and re-think my identity overtime, but tonight I wound up telling another good friend that I had a crush on my best friend in high school. I think I trust him to keep a secret, but it feels good to have this off my chest, even if it is to just one person.

1.) be self-supporting

2.) try college somewhere else, like UCLA (this can be accomplished over the summer)

3.) find a small cluster of friends who I can really share my fears, hopes, and deep thoughts with

4.) play a sport

5.) join the military, whether ROTC or actually being a full-time, enlisted sailor or marine

6.) get a job that I actually like

7.) either make my peace with school or drop out of college

8.) get involved in tech theater

9.) loose my fear of performing in front of people

10.) try acting, no matter what anyone else thinks

11.) grow in Christ

12.) experience less stress and anxiety on a day-to-day level

13.) have a mutually fulfilling romantic relationship

14.) get a boyfriend or a girlfriend

15.) do my own cooking and grocery shopping

16.) get back into speech and debate

17.) be recognized for my writing

18.) become the go-to person for my freinds

20.) get an agent, finish my script, pitch my idea, and get my hour-long television drama off the ground

21.) come out of the closet/be comforable with being bi

22.) stop being such a sheep about sharing my faith

23.) manage my time effectively