A fresh take on “guy in a bar jokes”. Could be told 100% clean, but people who are drinking seem to swear more, so the profanity stays.
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to another man. They get to talking and the second man says, “You know, this bar has a really unique feature.”
“Oh?” says the first man, “What’s that?”
“Well, the way the air currents loop around the building, you can jump off the roof and float down to the street unharmed.”
“Bullshit,” says the first man, “I don’t believe you.”
“I’ll show you,” says the second man.
So they go up to the roof and sure enough, the second man jumps off and gently, gently floats to the ground.
“That’s amazing!” shouts the first man, “I have to try that!” And he jumps off the roof, hits the street and dies.
The second man walks back into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Superman, you sure are a mean ass drunk.”
Found, as usual, on Metafilter
I love jokes and would like to tell them more often. I think I’m pretty good at telling jokes – I’m a good storyteller and I understand timing.
I’ve just never taken the time to actually build a repertoire of jokes that can be pulled out whenever. This doesn’t count when I was a kid (I love telling jokes then, and told a lot of them). Not sure why I haven’t bothered.
So now it’s time! I’ll post them here as I think the process of writing them down will help me remember, and I’ll also have a place to go back to if I want help recalling the joke. I’m going to stick to mostly clean jokes, although I’m also going to try to get a handful of really funny raunchy ones together as well.
Here’s the first one! I just saw it today on Metafilter and I’d never heard it before. Combines some of my fave elements, including wordplay/misunderstanding and good-natured destruction of property. Also the length is just right.
This guy looking for work sees a sign on a house: “PAINTER WANTED.” So he goes to the house and knocks on the door, telling the owner, “I’m here for the paint job.”
“OK.” The owner hands him a couple cans of latex. “Here’s the paint. I want you to paint the porch.”
The worker says, “No problem,” gets the paint and sets off to work. It’s not very long until he knocks on the door again. “All finished.”
Handing over the money, the owner exclaims, “That didn’t take very long!”
“I even gave it two coats,” the worker says, pocketing the money. “And oh, by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”