make more eye contact

I know because I find it happening at work. Usually it’s when I’m trying to explain something that’s complicated or uncomfortable to explain. This happens a lot. I hate sales-type interactions, and my boss needs me to do more of them lately. He has a lot of business ideas that, while they make sense to HIM on paper, don’t actually make any sense to the patients (I don’t think). And explaining insurance is generally uncomfortable, largely because most insurance coverage seems to be so crappy and because so many patients are SO CLUELESS about this fact until I have to break the bad news to them.

Anyhow. I am UNABLE to concentrate on what I’m saying AND look the person in the eye while I’m doing so! What do I do?!! I hate to implement the “focus on the area between their eyes” tactic, but it’s the only thing I can think to try at this point.

On the other hand, I am doing a little better at doing this when I’m having just a plain ol’ hi-howareya conversation with a patient. So. Small progress?

Had a lecture in reference class regarding the elements of the reference interview. As you might expect, eye contact is really important to helping a patron feel listened to and acknowledged. So I definitely need to get better at this if I’m going to do reference in any serious way.

Workin’ on it, slowly…

...but there’s no good way to measure this except my own observations/experiences. Not that I know of, anyhow. Anyone have any brilliant measurement ideas?

I did a presentation for a community board last night, and afterwards, got a compliment on my “polish and approachability”. I know that I made good eye contact when I was listening to the individuals who posed questions – however, I have no idea how I did when I was speaking to answer those questions – too busy concentrating on what I was saying.

I can do this, but only for seconds at a time. Any longer and I am forced to glance away for a bit – overwhelmed. Of course, I did try doing this to someone I was attracted to, and that was Hhhhaaard. At least I didn’t blush, though I almost felt like I might. I wonder – do I come across as shifty-eyed, then?

So, I tried doing this a bit at band practice last night. It was harder than I expected. Which is crazy, because I’m not intimidated by any of these guys – I’m known most of them for quite awhile, and am pretty comfortable with all of them.

I wasn’t scared to make eye contact, exactly – I guess I just found it confusing. I think it would be a more straightforward endeavor if it were a smaller group of people. But when we all get together, it’s this complex group conversation, with little conversations budding off and reforming back into the main group all the time. Whew! Chaotic. I am wondering how often I should make eye contact with someone speaking who is addressing the whole group. Constant eye contact seems too “stare-y”.

Oh, and that’s another thing: I apparently have all these ingrained subliminal thoughts keeping me from making eye contact. I would try for a few seconds, and then some part of my brain would go “oh, you’re STARING!” and I would look away. I’m not staring, brain! The person is talking to me, and I am looking them in the eye.

Other times, I felt very vulnerable, as if they could “see into my soul”. Which is somewhat true – I have a very readable face, usually. But then again, it is so readable that people can tell what I’m thinking whether I look right at them or not.

This habit of not looking at people is more ingrained than I thought, but that makes me even more determined to break it. After all, I quit biting my nails. I have been failing to make eye contact for at least as long as I bit my nails. I can certainly improve.

Or at least, I used to be.

I now have much more confidence in myself, and I make SOME eye contact now, but not much. I could do a lot better. I would like to appear as confident as I feel. I would like for people I speak with to feel they are actually being listened to.

I have found that it can be hard for me to concentrate on what people are saying when I make eye contact with them, though. I think this is because I so rarely do it that I am overwhelmed when I finally do so – looking another person in the eye is very powerful. I think the more I do it, the less overwhelming it will seem.

Any good tips for doing this more often? Besides “just do it”?