find my calling

It occurs to me that in order to know what you want to do, you have to really know who you are. So I’ve been working on clearing out all the static (all the things people tell you that may or may not be true, but are probably not useful) and just getting in touch with myself, with my roots, with my own thoughts and desires.

Maybe the answer lies in childhood? Who knows?

I remember reading, when I was younger, about Matisse. He worked as a lawyer’s clerk I think, and was sickly and depressed most of the time. To cheer him up, his mother bought him a set of paints. The first time he used them, he said it felt as natural and perfect as, “sitting in a comfortable armchair.”

I’ve definitely always been a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none. I get bored constantly, and need stimulation otherwise I sort of wander away to find other things to do. I know we can’t all hope that our way is as obvious as Matisse’s, but I hope one day I find a comfortable armchair of my own.