be content with my life

Wow… I haven’t been on 43things since 20 months. Awful lot of things happened with me – some good also some bad. I would say, finally this year (2009) is really bringing the positive changes I hoped for.
So, let’s put the date for the 2-year anniversary of my last entry here.
I should have 5 asterisks for this at the end:
- work (* already)
- appartement (planned for summer)
- family (I would say ~ which is already better than before)
- love (first self-evaluation and continuously crossing fingers)
- health & self image (almost * : I have some health issues but I’m getting more and more sporty and also more confident with my self physically and psychically as well)

So 1,5 /5 yet. Not bad however I think :-D

Haven’t been around since 6 months at least. Work stuff is better, but gets boring – and my private stuff sucks… trying to move on, but it is terrible difficult :-/
So I set one more 1-year date for myself to better (this time) my private life.

I had today :-/
I couldn’t sleep well, I woke up in the middle of the night, so I knew I will get up in the morning feeling like a wash-rag.
I had one of the worst mornings: I felt awfully stressed, it was hot already in the morning and I was not sure whether I have a 9 or 10 o’clock meeting (the former means I am late: see my other things) and the transport was playing with my nerves also.
I got yesterday evening totally pent up with frustration about my working place and just getting awfully tired about fighting against everything just to keep sticked to my goals.
It frustrates me that other people got the jobs I was focused on, meanwhile I got jobs other could do much better – and when I am loaded with not-scope jobs I cannot have the ‘scope’ ones. And when I even make a little remark about the irony of the situation, everybody starts the you-cannot-always-choose-the-job-you-get-and-you-should-be-satisfied-with-20-percent-off-scope-projects… I get at these lines so annoyed I could scream aloud!!!
I would LOVE to have only 20 percent of off-scope jobs.
And even as the day went better in the afternoon, I found myself falling back to the old, bad routine: I was nice and eager, showing lot of integrity and interest about the non-interested project, instead using the situation of telling about my discomfort.
But I will do it on Friday (before getting on holiday). If I don’t, I will stay depressed and feeling like a victim or worst: as a sucker.
So, task for Friday: telling my center leader ‘I think about the last two month as a failure’