Breathe in, breathe out

I can’t breathe. There’s that big lump in my throat that is weighing pretty heavy on my chest. At night I keep waking up catching some air as if I was diving for a whole minute. During the day it’s a bit better: as long as I am busy and focused, everything is fine.

Maybe meditating more regularly could help….

I am filled with so much hatred right now and doubt and negativity. It makes it so difficult to breathe.
I know that it’s not true and it IS possible to see the good, but then those negative thoughts are rolling over me again and don’t let me sleep.

Sigh…

It’s difficult to keep breathing these days.
Especially when the kids ask questions and I have to lie to reassure them that everything is fine.
And when I have been making sure for months there was time for a project that most likely can be thrown away now.
And also when the kids are planning a nice breakfast for mother’s day, which they can’t do by themselves – and I know that I have to do the preparations for that, because someone else is far too busy sending flowers elsewhere…

This too shall pass…

Breathe in:
Tiptoeing around the house
Not being able to speak my mind
Not feeling appreciated

Breathing out:
My parents coming tomorrow
My children

^{I’ve always associated breathing in with stress, pressure and negativity and breathing out with relaxing and letting go. I’m going to try this here, too, even though I know that other people here write their posts differently. I hope they don’t mind.}

Breathing in:
- Being scared
- Rejection
- The fear of not being enough
- So much responsibility

Breathing out:
- Knowing that my children are happy little monsters (something I have done right so far)
- I am always able to find something to smile about
- Having friends, support, feeling appreciated
- It’s not my fault!

Perfectly