love and be loved

It is difficult isn’t it? All the in-betweens. All the management. Finding your language and way of communicating. And middle-ground. And building a life together. I really hope T & I can make it. When we are good we are wonderful. But at other times, I don’t know what is going on. In his head, in mine – actually I can always read him. He can be arrogant and uncompromising. But sometimes, am I bored? Am I irritated? Are we so compatible? When I am happy and he is happy, we are great. When not it gets weird and I feel as distant from him as,.,, What comes next?

1. I joyously receive and give love. I am not
‘grateful’ to be loved.

2. I say what I want, what makes me happy – I am honest. Not what I think somebody wants to hear.

Really looking forward to seeing him next week. Really. I wonder how this will go?

ben got in contact. funny that one. thought I’d never hear from him again. Well. Who is this ‘Laura’ bird??! Part of me really wants to see him, to be a part of his life! What will we say next? Will I push and push looking for him to say something? I don’t think so. Or will he write? And say something? Ah universe.

A little bit of me is quite delighted that there is a him: the one you really want. the qualities i really enjoy and admire. the ease, the laughter, the talking, the passion! Wow. And the realness of it. That I don’t and cannot see him as a white knight to ‘fix’ my life.
He seems delighted with me too.
He said that he is very happy with me. I think I feel the same way.
Anyway – it’s feels out of the realm of fantasy.

Wow – really didn’t expect that. Was v happy. Hope this works. Not going to over think it. Let me roll out as it will. Would like this to work.

Christy Turlington. Ed Burns

I want the kind of love that makes kings and queens of you – that raises you up and humbles you. I don’t want any ordinary kind of love.

Have I been fighting letting joy in?? I’ve learned not to trust joy, excitement and happiness – to expect misery? I want to trust joy and happiness! To not expect it to be snatched away and to have disappointment reign. Let happiness rule.

It’s okay to need and want to be loved and liked and accepted and admired. It is not a bad feeling or a weakness – you deserve it. It’s okay to feel that way. You don’t have to turn it off. To desire it, doesn’t make you weak – it makes you human and recognises that you deserve great love. You can let it lead you and experience and enjoy the joy it brings.