to a lot of my friends, a few co-workers, and my loving supportive boyfriend. hooray!!
Lady Goodman has written 2 entries about this goal
i have recently either identified myself sexually or only begun to question it. again. long story; here’s the gist:
i came out to someone i trusted at 15. she told a lot of people. i went to a small christian highschool. nuff said there.
i sort of had a causal thing with this woman. it was new. i enjoyed. sometimes, thinking back, much more than i enjoy men.
now, here we are. i have a crush on a woman i know. i will never pursue it, rather i try to avoid it. not think about it, not think of her, not fantasize, even casually of kisses, with her. i love my boyfriend. this, however, has been a problem for me for years in relationships with men. i presume it to be similar in any possible relationship with a woman. i am struggling and incredibly sexually frustrated, to be frankly honest.
he knows, or at least, entertains the idea that i am attracted to woman, that i will probably always. the two largest problems with this are:
1) i wonder if i will always have this frustration to deal with? part of me feels that my boyfriend and i need to take a break so that i can better understand my own sexual identity. even that i should have try at a legitamite relationship with a woman to explore it. but that seems awfully unfair too.
and 2) he gets more jealous of my friends who are women and lesbian or bisexual than he does about men. this means that my co-workers, old friend and new ones are all suspect. it drives me insane. and it maeks him insecure, worse than he already is.
what would you do, whoever reads this, whoever has filled these shoes, or understands my head today…..
