be more patient

I have been having some trouble with this goal. I think the reason is that lack of patience in society in contragious.

I have gotten some what better since starting this goal but I am a long way from saying “I’ve done this”.

I think my lack of patience stems from expectation of things. When things happen slower than expected or too fast that’s when I lose patience.

I also think it’s where I live. I live and work in the NY/NJ area and this is high paced city. Everything is rushed. You rush to get to work, eat your food, get rest and just live.

Maybe slowing down is the key for me.

Or moving to a less stress filled city.

There are people in life who’s soul purpose is push people’s buttons to see what they do. I happen to have such people in my life right now. No matter how patient I try to be they keep pushing the big red button on the top of my head that reads “Patience Meter”

The bad thing is I can’t ignore these people because I have to deal with them daily. I thought tuning them out would work but it like giving them a lit cigerette when you are covered with gasoline.

Sooner or later I am going to blow up and I am trying so hard not to because it’s what they want me to do.

My only option is to cut them short overall. Cut short the time I deal with them, cut short my time talking with them and cut them short before the push the red button.

During my stay at the hospital I tested my patience. There was little pain after my surgery but I was extremely nausea. My doctors were prepared for this because I warned them.

When I got to my room I had a very bad episode and it took over an hour for the nurses to give me painkiller and anti nausea medicine.

Today’s lesson is the power of prayer and patience.

I felt really sick as if I were to move I would line the bed with my insides. I happen to find this one spot sitting up that was kind of like leaning forward that was a sweet spot for me. In looks like the drunken people you see on the train that look like they are going to fall but never don’t.

It was the spot where the world stopped moving and everything seemed right. Your head and stomache stops spining. Your back stops aching. Everything is still.

Then the nurse hands me a vomit pink bucket to throw up in. (Is it time for my meds yet?) I look at the swirly color of the pink bucket and laugh. I asked her if they come in another color suck as vomit green or toilet bowl white. She starts laughing. I toss the bucket out of my site because the color was making my head spin.

My husband comes in and follows up with the nurse about my meds. The doctor had left and they were waiting for him to get off the train so that he can give them the okay to medicate me, which is 30 minutes away.

My husband is mad, the nurses are expecting me to start yelling at any moment and I could hear the tense breathing of my fellow patients begging me to start expressing my agony so that we can start a song that will keep the nurses on their feet all night. (It only takes on patient to start moaning out load in pain before you have the entire ward groaning like a new born maternity ward)

I was in level 6 out of 10 in pain and I wanted my meds bad. My husband had been up 15 hours straight and was ready to scare the patients by bellowing about my unfair treatment, pain and despair. I knew the nurses’ hands were tied because I just came out of surgery. All eyes were on me to decide what would happen next.

I start to laugh. Chuckle actually because laughing hurts. A lot. After surviving my surgey and not feeling as bad as most folks, I was grateful to be alive. I smile at the nurse and tell them I understand and to please give me my meds as soon as my doctor says it’s possible.

The tension in the room disappears. Everyone thought I was still on the happy juice but I realized that sometimes you couldn’t help the situation you are in. Things happened for the reason.

I stay in that sweet spot for more than an hour. I pray in that spot, I talk to my husband from that spot, and I take all my tests from that spot without once tilting over. I even got 10 minutes of sleep in the same spot. (I learned something from watching the drunks)

Eventually I got my meds and everything was peachy. I could lay back and relax with my stomach intact and finally get the shut eye I needed.

The nurses treated me like gold for my entire rest of my stay. I even got a private suite at no extra charge with a view that would bring peace to any patient’s recovery.

And later I found out that the other patients in my wing were doing enough yelling for the entire hospital.

I have been doing okay with my patience but this week I went from code yellow, to orange to borderline red.

I tried breathing….

I tried counting from one to ten….

I have tried turning the other cheek….

I am running out of options here people!

People have been testing my patience this week at home and at work. Especially at work. I am am so annoyed right now that I can’t I feel like cursing someone out. People assume that because I am the calm one that they can open their mouth and allow the garbage to pour out. i admit that I was able to get past some situation by calmly and patiently allowing the person to say their piece and then say mine.

However my patient wears thin when people don’t want win-win scenerios or aren’t even willing to listen to your side.

I feel like putting a sailor and trucker to shame. I feel like telling people about themselves in the most colorful way possible.

Do you want to know the funny thing is …. as I am writing this I am actually laughing. And that laughter feels good.

If I can make it to Friday I think I will be okay…

Maybe tuning people out will work…...

This weekend I was at my mom’s house and was hoping to run into some of my old friends. I didn’t see anyone and I was thinking of searching for people.

It got late and I decided to go home. On the two hour journey home, I wrote in my journal. One thing that I wrote was how I believe that if I am patient things will come to me when I need it to the most. I wrote that the people that I need or want in my life will find their way to me or back to me. I promised myself from then on out to try to go with the flow.

So I get to my stop on the train and am walking home and ran into my old friend Frank. I hadn’t seen him in over a year and it was nice to see him. When I last saw him,he was going through some things and now he was back on track. New apartment, new girl and new job. He looked like life was treating him good. I was happy because he is cool and him and my husband get along so well.

We talked for a quick moment and he promised to give my husband and I a call.

On the walk home I thought about what I wrote in my journal only five minutes before. I thought about all the people who I miss and would like to see. I feel in my heart that I will see these people again. I feel they have been in my life for a reason.

So I will be patient.

As children we were taught to take our time. Don’t run so fast, or you will fall. Don’t eat that so quickly or you will choke. Don’t rush to do adult things, enjoy your childhood because it goes by so fast.

As adults we are taught though life that faster is better. Be faster and better at doing you work, you get a raise. Hurry up or you will miss the bus. Standing on line at McDonald you wonder why it takes so long for the person in front of you to order when the menu hasn’t changed in years.

Patience takes time. We have to go back the time when these things don’t aggrivate us so. So I came up with some ideas to help me regain my childhood patience:

• I bring a book with me where ever I go and expect a line or wait.

• I carry a note book and pen with me to write

• I leave a little earlier in the morning so I don’t have to rush or run for the train.

• I leave a little later from work so I don’t feel the need to rush with the crowd on the way home.

• I call ahead and confirm my appointments and wait times before going to them. This way I don’t get mad and know what to expect.