say what i mean and mean what i say

Ever since I stopped being friends with chief tormentor, I haven’t had to do this…

This lost me a ‘friend’ this year, but truthfully she was one of those ‘friends’ you get on better with when you don’t actually see each other and just catch up on the phone once a week…
you know like that song line ‘I like you better when you’re not around’ I have always thought that of her. I guess it was time, and I know it was because I have been through a monumental amound of shit since we stopped talking and I have discovered I don’t need her, I don’t need her help to overcome demons (she would have made it about her anyway) and I sure as hell don’t need to share my joy (she always, always brought em down when I was happy about something)
Huzzah! the truth has set me free, I do not have this dead weight bringing me down any more….

Some people will never understand that the truth is more honourable than a lie. I won’t say something if i think its going to hurt someone but i won’t lie either. BUT then you get those people who declare you ‘unlikable’ because you didn’t enter into their talk about people bitchfest or because you didn’t ‘ohmigod you look amazing’ at their outfits, which, did not look amazing, i’d rather not talk than lie, but apparently thats a bad thing….

i fully believe telling the truth is the easiest option in the long run… it so much easier to keep track of, so when my partner bought me a necklace i didn’t really like cos it had some features i hate in jewelery i figured i had to say something, cos i could see him getting that ‘she likes CZ bugs’ thing and we recieving birthday and christmas present for the rest of time related to this… i like dragonflies, he bought me a dragonfly necklace which had the most beautifly filagree wings but it was wrecked by a line of clear CZ/glass that make the gragonfly less streamline and more square…..sooo one night when everything was going well i told him the truth, i deliberatly picked a night when it wouldn’t look like i was picking a ficgh (i have often found that if i tell the truth during a fight the other party will ofte assume ‘she didn’t mean it, we were just fighting’ and i get nowhere. I told him i loved that he bought it and i loved what it represented and i loved that it was a dragon fly and i love love loved the wings BUT i don’t wear stones of any form really and i esp don’t like CZ…he laughed and said ‘point taken’ and we moved on with our night….

my partner often complains about stuff i think is just the course of life, being to tired after work to hang out with friends, working a few days so it feels like all you did was work then go home, eat, sleep and start it all again, as far as i’m concearned thats life and the weekends are a blessing designed to ease that. BUT more often than not i just make a polite comment about how it will pay off in the long run etc etc Then yesterday i was talking to him about work and he was again saying he felt he was missing out on life and i said, yep well soon i may well be on a 20 hr roster and thats gonna suck, instead of saying ‘yeah but the extra money will be nice’ he said ‘eh’ i turned, looked at him and said ‘what the hell is “eh” supposed to mean’ he went on to say ‘well untill a few years ago i worked 10 hr days’ well, that was it, i told him how i listen to him complain and i’m polite and when he complains about work hrs i’m nice and put his mind at ease but when i worry about going on a 10hr shift which will mean seeing ALOT LESS of my son (the hrs are either 6am-4:30pm or 7:30am-6pm) which potentially means i won’t see jamie before work ever and i will see him for about 40mins some nights and i kinda let rip that his response was shit, he then apologised and said ‘i’m sorry, it was a stupid response i didn’t think’ noooo shit sherlock….farrrrk

i usually mean what i say, i’m only of those people who really didn’t just say that to hurt your feelings, i meant it, you probably shouldn’t have started a fight with me, i’m sorry i won’t lie, i might however let you think i didn’t mean if if it makes you feel better.
What i don’t do it tell people stuff that could ease a problem, u know the ‘when u say * like that it makes me feel *’ type stuff, so then i let it go and it goes and goes and eventually i snap, or i talk to my friends about it when really i should have more conviction. Sadly one of my previous friends would never let me have my say, she said i was being agressive every time i tried to tell her how i felt. So i stopped replying to txts and thats the end of that…..:S :)