To live instead of exist

So, the solution?

A girl I know said this today:

“I’m just a dot in this huge crowd of college students. What makes me any better than the other 7000 kids here trying to do exactly what I’m doing…”

Is there an answer?

Imagine finding out that the things that make most people happy and alive are the things that make you feel terribly confused and, quite frankly, terrified?

I will be the first to admit that I do not know a thing about The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I heard a song that was recently released by the title of What’s This? It’s dark, and convincing, and happy and sad all at the same time. It’s even inspiring one could say. The whole idea of this girl finding herself in a place of normality but yet she is baffled and feels naked and out of place. I’m particularly drawn to the line, “What’s this? I can’t believe my eyes, I must be dreaming, wake up Jack, this isn’t fair!” as if to say, “How am I suppose to face this alone? I am scared and need you with me.” Sweet, yes—extremely, but what’s more appealing is that she is happy in the end.

For the longest time (I’m talking years) I’ve had the notion that I won’t be around to get old. I have my moments of pondering the thought of growing old, but then I find that I can’t quit imagine it or picture it. It all comes down to really feeling like my days are numbered. I can’t decide if this is me being realistic or me being ridiculous. Dying seems so easy, you know? Everything is so fragile these days; everything is changing.

“How progress takes away what forever took to find.”

Inspired by The Dreaming Tree

“When the going gets tough, I guess it’s best to just keep going, right? I mean, this was fun…up until it wasn’t anymore.”

-How To Deal

The more I live, the closer I am to dying.

Throughout life, there are things you will witness and things you will hear that will make it feel as if the world should stop, but it doesn’t. It just keeps going, regardless of how you feel inside.

.

“Don’t be shocked that people die; be surprised you’re still alive.”

I’m pretty frantic most of the time. I get antsy when I sit for more than an hour. I think that I’m wasting precious time; I could be getting something done. To me, getting stuff done usually means putting dishes away, re-organizing my dresser drawers, dusting, or taking the dogs for a walk. These kind of things make me feel like I’m living (or at least being productive).

My boyfriend on the other hand has no problem staying in all day watching VH1’s Best Week Ever, or video’s on Fuse, or even a full season of The Sopranos in one sitting. These things allow him to feel relaxed and calm.

So I’m wondering if living is relaxing or getting things done. Do you live to complete tasks or live to sit back and allow time to pass slowly? Is it to get the sense of accomplishment or the feeling of tranquility?