Visit WI frequently

Autumn is my favorite season. I can’t put my finger on why it is, but it has always been significant and dear to me. Maybe because it’s the start of everything to come, or the end of everything that has been. It’s really in the way you look at it.

I’m a little worried about going to Wisconsin in October. I’m worried that it won’t be like it used to be. The memories won’t be the same, or even there at all. I’m concerned that along with growing up this past year away from home, I’ve grown apart from home.

A little bit of history on me: I used to spend as much time as possible outside in the fall. There is just something about the way it could make me feel. Honest, content; alive if you will. Being alone in the woods…nothing compares to that feeling. I know this because I’ve been in Lexington for a year and I’ve been miserable. It’s made me completely forget myself. There is no time to enjoy being outside. You want to know why? Because nobody here seems to care about anything other than consuming, driving expensive cars, being a suck-up to get ahead in life. I don’t want to be the person who forgot what it feels like to feel like a kid again.

I really need something to call my own.

The other thing that I want is for someone else to care about this as much as I do. I’ve never had someone go on walks with me. I wish I did.

Cannonball

Leaving sucks. In comparison to what I have in Wisconsin to what I have in Kentucky – Kentucky is a shit hole. There is no enthusiasm, no fun, no excitement. Nothing. Work, chores, bills, more work, and terribly hot weather. Wisconsin has gorgeous weather, fresh air, nature, is a small town with people I love. I can actually feel myself enjoying life when I’m here. I feel like myself again.

Want to hear whats even better about July that I failed to mention?...

My boyfriend visiting me for 2 weeks!

I can’t believe that I didn’t make note of this. I guess he brought it to my attention yesterday afternoon when he held up his iPhone and said, “No new posts on 43T?” I know, I’ve been slacking. But none the less – - – He is here and all is awesome and amazing!

:D July. Should be a relaxing time. I hope to get more done than the last time I was there. Plus, I might EVEN get to spend some time with the boyfriend. Score.

Be Here Now

I figured that since I wasn’t taking action on ‘moving back’, I could change this goal to ‘Visit Often’. At least this one is something that I can and will be doing. I’ll update it later if anything changes.

So, I’m here. It feel’s pretty home-like, which I suppose shouldn’t come as a ‘shock’. I haven’t gotten out much yet, but then again, I’ve only been in for a few hours. In those few hours – however – I managed to squeeze in a cheap Mac & Cheese dinner with my mom, do some running, visit my grandparents, arrange for a game of bowling with some good friends (which I did terrible at, but we were just goofing around the entire time anyway. You know, granny style, bowling with our opposite hand, eyes closed, backwards, etc.) plus, get home in time to catch and chit chat with my dad for a good hour.

At this moment, I am sitting up stairs at the computer where I have spent MANY hours before (too many), eating some good ole’ Golden Grahams, listening to the ever angelic Alison Krauss. It’s 12:37, and I can’t decide whether sleep is a waste of time or not. I’m so limited on time.

Stephanie! That’s right! I’m going home…to visit…for a week! But even a week will seem like a day. Time seems to pass in a flash when you are content. I remember when I would go to my boyfriends house at 6:00 pm and then i’d look at my phone and it would be 2:00 in the morning. It really sucked. It’s just so nice not having to worry about anything and just enjoy the time by doing nothing. Speaking of boyfriends…guess who’s picking me up from the airport? That’s right. I love flying. Mostly because if I fly, he is always the reason behind it.

Everything that means anything to me at all is there, and yet – I am here. There are 13 hours between me and my whole existance, childhood, memories, and future. I need to go in the next 2 months. But even that might be too late :-(

The few things I ask:
-Hang in there – don’t go yet
-Don’t find someone else
-Have a happy life together
and last – wait for me…I still need you.