Worry less.

I just got back from visiting my hometown (I took a plane) and now I am sick with some sort of something not fun which includes a lovely sore throat, runny nose, head achs, stomach achs, and loss of appetite. You can probably guess where I am going with this since it is being written under the category of “Worry Less.”

But then again, the more I think about it, it would be kind of neat bitchin’ to be able to say, “I was infected with blank flu and survived!” right?

Though the situation that I am in is not quite like this, the last sentence sums it up.

“When my parents let me have the car, I drive to upstate New York to visit Sean, and sometimes we’re off and sometimes we’re on, and often it’s exhausting not knowing, but sometimes it’s just better not to know.”

I did it. I watched P.S. I Love You. On a normal day, I am not one for melodramatic movies, but my sister made her husband netflix it, so I figured eh – what the hell…

And let me just say that the movie really wasn’t all that good bad. In fact, it was excellent. Any movie that can make me shed a few tears MUST be noteworthy, no? Let me tell you why it turned me into a pile of mush.

First, the movie starts off with the couple arguing about “plans”. The woman is ignoring her husband (who is not only a musician, but an IRISH musician. I’ll just inform you now that it is impossible to watch this movie without forming some sort of crush on this guy) for telling her mother that she did not want to have kids (“You said at my mother’s, you would have a baby, but that I’m not ready. TO MY MOTHER! You might as well have said I’m a lesbian!”), but in reality, the woman explains that it is not that she doesn’t want to have kids but that the time is simply not right. Why is the time not right? Because the couple does not have a plan. Yep. The movie is based on the concept of plans (at least that’s what I got out of it). If you know me at all, you know that I’m all about plans. I love plans, and I depend on them. However, this movie sort of made me realize that plans have a tendency to knock you flat on your ass and then laugh in your face.

The following lines (or scenes) are really the ones that got me:

Wife: ”...But we don’t have a plan. We can’t just do things without having a plan.”
Husband (sitting on the couch with a smile on his face, strumming at his guitar, relaxing): “Stop planning. Plans never work out anyway; they just end up letting you down. Live for today. You’re already here.”

... ahh, simplicity!

Also, there was an instance in which the wife was feeling pretty down about her job (she sells real estate) and said to her husband, “I don’t want to go back to work. What do I do?” and he said, “Don’t. Come lay on the couch with me and relax. Listen to me songs.”

Everyone in the world really needs someone like that in their life. Lucky for me, I already have one, but somehow knowing that made this movie even MORE sad since she loses hers, you know?

Anyways, watch it.

I suffer from this thing called procrastination. I think it is a result of me being all, “This will never work! Will it work? I don’t know. Let me think about it for another 1500 years.” I really just need to act in the moment and say, “Oh well,” if things don’t go as planned.

This pertains to my entry If I Don’t Do This, I Will Never Know.

I can’t seem to get the idea of moving of my mind. I think that initially, I am turned off by the idea because I think that I will somehow disappoint someone, or I will get in over my head and regret that I moved, but then after a conversation with someone who is wise beyond their years last night, I came to realize, “This is life. If I don’t do this, I’m not living” and he also made a point to say, “What do you have to lose by leaving Lexington? What do you have to gain by moving to Wisconsin? It doesn’t make sense to stay where you have nothing to lose, and lose out on all of the things that you have to gain” which really made some sort of impact on the way I was seeing things. And he’s right. I have nothing here to lose. I am not living in this town for any reason other than the opportunity to move here in the first place was all too convenient, and continued to be that way for 2 years. I was not going to stay here for more than a summer, but it ended up turning into a long-term arrangement, and now it is time to switch things up and go back. My family is back home, and my friends, and my best friend, and gorgeous landscapes, and my bedroom and the house I grew up in, and the woods I used to spend hours in as a kid…everything is there. My best memories are there, and I kind of want them back so that I can continue to make new ones. I have nothing here. I live in a house with my sister and her husband, and call me crazy, but I get the idea that it is not the most quaint living arrangement. The two of them are always bickering, and they have three dogs who are a hassle, they live in a small house. I spend a large portion of my time in a tiny beige bedroom trying to avoid them all. I have a decent job and I really enjoy the people I work with, but it gets repetitive and it is kind of stale (and there is too much gossip for my liking). The city leaves much to be desired. It is expensive, dirty, and honestly,the people here are just not that polite.

I spend roughly $1,500 in plane tickets a year to go home for a week to see the people I care about and to finally be able to feel happy only to have to pack up and come back to this place that I don’t want to be in the first place. it doesn’t quite make sense. Also, I have about had it with goodbyes

Bottom line – I’ve realized tonight that I am just 1 person out of roughly 6 billion, and if I can’t let myself pack up and move to the place that I know I will be happy because I am afraid that I will get in over my head and make my life a sloppy mess, then I am not deserving of a whole lot out of life. What is the worst that could happen? The people in Wisconsin will be supportive of me, and offer advice and be understanding, whereas the people here who are greedy, self-centered, and unsupportive.

What do I have to lose? Nothing. What do I have to gain? Everything. It’s worth the chance to find out.

I aced the paper. How I managed to do this is still WAY beyond me.

You know how sometimes you just need a change? Or at least you feel like you need one, but really, you just got a drastic disaster of a hair cut a few months earlier? Well that’s where I was at this afternoon.

I went into the salon and looked at several of the out-dated hair style books (awesome, right?) and ended up chosing this one short whispy bob cut (as shown above). Please note that I apologize for the very awkward facial expression and nerdyness which is this photo. I was kind of in a hurry…

I wasn’t worried about it at all, and even though it didn’t turn out the best, I’m okay with it. Not once while she was hacking off my already short locks did my stomach churn or my body tingle from silent panic.

(I would almost say that being here had something to do with it.)

Being intimidated by people is also a ridiculous waste of my time. It’s frustrating, childish, and again – a waste of my time. Anyone else agree? And also, please give an example.

Hello, Internet. My name is so-and-so and I am a ridiculous hypochondriac. Let me explain: I get a stomach ache and I think I am undergoing food poisoning. I have a head ache and I think that I have some kind of internal bleeding and will die in the next few hours. If my arm (or any limb for that matter) falls asleep or goes numb, I assume that it will need to be amputated. And if my breathing pattern gets a bit off? Well, I think I’m going to stop breathing all together. You want to know what favorite “fear” is? My favorite is that I sometimes worry that I will go to sleep and not wake up. No reason at all behind that one…it’s just always a concern, you know? I once overheard a conversation that went, “Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up to this view every morning?” and the other person said, “Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up every morning?” I agree.

I never sit back and enjoy anything. I don’t take a lot of chances, nor am I spontaneous. I really miss out on a lot, and for what? Just relax.