This pertains to my entry If I Don’t Do This, I Will Never Know.
I can’t seem to get the idea of moving of my mind. I think that initially, I am turned off by the idea because I think that I will somehow disappoint someone, or I will get in over my head and regret that I moved, but then after a conversation with someone who is wise beyond their years last night, I came to realize, “This is life. If I don’t do this, I’m not living” and he also made a point to say, “What do you have to lose by leaving Lexington? What do you have to gain by moving to Wisconsin? It doesn’t make sense to stay where you have nothing to lose, and lose out on all of the things that you have to gain” which really made some sort of impact on the way I was seeing things. And he’s right. I have nothing here to lose. I am not living in this town for any reason other than the opportunity to move here in the first place was all too convenient, and continued to be that way for 2 years. I was not going to stay here for more than a summer, but it ended up turning into a long-term arrangement, and now it is time to switch things up and go back. My family is back home, and my friends, and my best friend, and gorgeous landscapes, and my bedroom and the house I grew up in, and the woods I used to spend hours in as a kid…everything is there. My best memories are there, and I kind of want them back so that I can continue to make new ones. I have nothing here. I live in a house with my sister and her husband, and call me crazy, but I get the idea that it is not the most quaint living arrangement. The two of them are always bickering, and they have three dogs who are a hassle, they live in a small house. I spend a large portion of my time in a tiny beige bedroom trying to avoid them all. I have a decent job and I really enjoy the people I work with, but it gets repetitive and it is kind of stale (and there is too much gossip for my liking). The city leaves much to be desired. It is expensive, dirty, and honestly,the people here are just not that polite.
I spend roughly $1,500 in plane tickets a year to go home for a week to see the people I care about and to finally be able to feel happy only to have to pack up and come back to this place that I don’t want to be in the first place. it doesn’t quite make sense. Also, I have about had it with goodbyes
Bottom line – I’ve realized tonight that I am just 1 person out of roughly 6 billion, and if I can’t let myself pack up and move to the place that I know I will be happy because I am afraid that I will get in over my head and make my life a sloppy mess, then I am not deserving of a whole lot out of life. What is the worst that could happen? The people in Wisconsin will be supportive of me, and offer advice and be understanding, whereas the people here who are greedy, self-centered, and unsupportive.
What do I have to lose? Nothing. What do I have to gain? Everything. It’s worth the chance to find out.