Pay it Forward

As I was sitting in an outdoor cafe a few days ago, I was approached by a young entrepreneurial lad who was methodically moving through the restaurant appealing to patrons to support his school chocolate drive. As he neared my table, I was fondly reminded of the days when I used to tirelessly walk the streets of our suburb with a cardboard box of chocolates under my arm appealing for support. On the rare occasion, there would be someone who would decline the purchase of a chocolate bar, but would generously offer to either donate money to the cause or to buy me one of the proceeds. It’s amazing how much of an impression those small acts left on my young mind, that someone would be willing to invest money without gain, to give unconditionally in an act of pure goodwill.

I gave the $2 contribution to the young boy but declined the chocolate, hoping this small act of generosity would be equally impressionable upon his mind as was granted to me so many years ago. This small act was at very little expense or inconvenience to me yet I am convinced it was enough to make a difference. It exemplifies the fact that generosity or ‘goodwill’ doesn’t have to cost a lot, it doesn’t require a huge amount of sacrifice, all it takes is an extended hand of thoughtfulness and an attitude which suppresses self-gratification if only for a moment in order to cloak ourselves with the needs of the world around us.

It’s amazing how in the smallest of ways we can impact a person’s day, week, month or life. And often… it doesn’t take much, just a small spontaneous moment of kindness and generosity.

A friend and I were at a big regional shopping centre on Sunday afternoon doing a bit of shopping when we walked into a boutique clothing store which had a beautiful beige trench coat on display in the window. As I tried on the jacket, a middle-aged woman came out of the change room with a brown full length skirt on. She turned in front of the full length mirrors as if trying to sum up the outfit but still looked non-committal. The shop assistant offered little assistance but like all loyal employees – tried only to press for a sale.

When the shop assistant walked away we were surprised when she addressed us saying ‘what do you funky young girls think of my skirt?’ It’s amazing that before this moment, both of us had subconsciously thought that the woman looked fairly reserved and independent of thinking and therefore didn’t expect that she’d appreciate our opinion. We happily obliged her and said we loved the skirt but in order to make the outfit truly spectacular, a few minor adjustments were necessary.

The black crepe top she wore looked beautiful with the skirt but the rainbow coloured beads needed to go and there had to be some way of jazzing up the skirt/top combination. As Sarah negotiated with the shop assistant to source a belt, I dug into my bag of Jewellery purchases from one of the shops a few doors down and found the perfect pair of antique black drop earrings. A wide gold belt was found which added class and style to the whole outfit and made the woman look and feel ten years younger. However, the earrings weren’t complete without the matching black clustered bracelet so I ducked out of the store and bought the matching accessory and when we put it all together – she looked simply ravishing.

It’s amazing how that woman’s face was just lifted as she admired herself in the mirror. She was no longer fixated on the ‘middle age spread’ that she had mentioned earlier, rather she said ‘I feel and look fantastic.’ The lady turned to us and said that she had been feeling terrible all morning about herself and anxious about the special occasion that evening which had inspired a new outfit. However, having someone take an interest in her life and adding a bit of funk, style and confidence had made all the difference to her day. She twirled around the shop in front of the full length mirror beaming at her reflection and saying she could not wait to go out and paint the town red!

Our moment of fashion coordinating lasted only a few minutes, a very small amount of time in anyone’s day and a very costless effort, but for one person that time and generosity made all the difference. I wonder what would have happened if we had simply said ‘nice skirt, you should buy it’ and left it to that. She may have bought the skirt, she may not have – that fact is irrelevant. What is relevant is how she felt about herself; would she have been so confident or felt so fantastic about herself and about life? Would she have walked out of the shop still undecided in her heart but believing that it will just have to do? Would it have made a difference to her evening?

This encounter made us both realise how sometimes we just need to open our eyes to the people around us for we never know when we just might be able to make someone’s day.

I met up with a customer for lunch yesterday and the conversation turned rather quickly to her recent trip to Africa. Being an obvious subject of interest for both of us, we immediately eased into stories of the Namibian dunes, the Wildebeest migration in the Serengeti and the colourful strength of the Maasai people. Someone once said “once you have tasted the waters of Africa, surely you will return to her.” This does not refer only to a physical reconnection with the country but rather to the barrage of nostalgic memories stored deep in our hearts which resurface with vivid clarity each time we encounter someone who speaks of Africa’s shores.

The tragedy of the trip however was that upon her return, Julie’s camera bag had been stolen along with the several hundred photos she had taken of her African experiences. Animals had been the subject of most of her photos and it was Africa’s diversity of wildlife that had drawn her to the country in the first place. As I sat there mourning for her loss, I began to think perhaps I could do something to help. Though I had not visited some of the tribes she had encountered nor traveled to some of the regions she had traveled to – I had been to Ngorongoro and the Serengeti which boasted the vastest numbers of African animals which she had no doubt seen in her travels. I had photographs of lions, wildebeest, vultures and buffalo and out of my several hundred wildlife pictures, I was sure I could collate for her a memory of her time in Africa.

Pay it forward has in its very vision the objective of helping someone with something they cannot do themselves. Julie hasn’t the means to collate the memories of her trip in a tangible form but I have in part. I can create a beautiful album with photos of Africa’s finest animals and though it may not reflect in full the meaning and memories of her trip, it will contribute somewhat to making her loss a little more bearable.

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end

Scott Adams

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward somone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

It’s amazing how life has a way of scooping us up into the busyness of each day like an autumn leaf into the skies. Without realising it, we find ourselves slowly drifting upwards floating on the winds of a summer’s day and looking back on the ground below as it becomes farther and farther away. We find ourselves alone up there slowly drifting away from significance into the realm of survival – controlling our destiny, forging our way in the world and neither relying on anyone nor allowing anyone to rely on us for direction and guidance.

Survival becomes the life of the self-absorbed; that place where we become hypnotized with the ideals of success and responsibility and forget the rest of the world below. The essence of paying it forward is simply allowing ourselves to come down from the loftiness of the wind if only for a moment to touch the earth below.

This week I stooped for a moment to bless a friend who had stated her interest in a female speaker who had some fantastic teaching materials available. I sourced some of these teachings, packaged them up and presented them to her last Sunday. It was such a small effortless thing yet it made a big difference in someone’s life. If we allow them, the winds will take us far above the reach of humanity for they are always gusting towards the horizon of self, it takes a change of heart and a fervent determination to go against the winds and stoop down to touch someone’s life.

At the women’s conference several weeks ago, I engaged in conversation with a lady who commented on the ornate cross hanging from my neck. She loved the jewellery and mentioned she loves unique crosses and has a few herself.

Last week I was in the store that I had bought my cross from and there was one remaining in stock. Thinking that perhaps it would bless this woman’s day, I bought the gift, packaged it in a beautiful box and gave it to her on Sunday night. It was but a small gesture, however she was so blown away with the fact that though I didn’t know her well, I’d bought a gift just because I knew she’d love it!

I love random expressions of generosity and thoughtfulness for they take us out of our selfish and self-revolving lives and allow us to meet someone else’s point of need. And this… is more therapeutic than taking ourselves on a shopping spree, more fulfilling than indulging ourselves in a massage and more life-giving than anything the world has to offer – it simply is… the gift of humanity from one person to another.

The movie ‘Pay it Forward’ presents the world with a new paradigm of thinking. One that broadens our minds, enlarges the borders of our lives and opens the folds of our enclosed hearts. The Pay it Forward movement was expressed in a young boy’s simple philosophy: One person bless three people, that those three people will in turn bless the lives of three others until the world feels the silent ripples of this domino effect. The rules were simple:

• #1—It has to be something that really helps someone.
• #2—It has to be something they can’t do by themselves.
• #3—I do it for them, they do it for three other people.

And the ramifications are endless. No matter how much the world turns our heads towards self-centered glorification, it cannot ignore even the smallest expression of genuine kindness. Motives play a large part in 21st century living, our lives are dictated by the constrictive mindset of ‘what will we get out of it?’ In embracing this philosophy of life, we have been steered away from the very essence of living – of investing into, blessing and enhancing the journey of a fellow traveler for no worldly justified reason at all.

The essence of ‘pay it forward’ is not a movement, it is a lifestyle of a company of people willing to invest rather than compress the blessings and richness of life. It is the young man who stops to help an elderly woman across the road. It is the career woman who, tired after a long day at work manages a smile and kind word for the cashier at her local supermarket. It is the woman who sees a young mum in need of a hand and offers to bake a casserole for her once a week. It is the man who offers to help paint his neighbor’s fence or resurrect a storm-beaten garden. It is the young child who offers a lolly to the lonely woman sitting on the park bench who the rest of the world fails to see. All around us there are unnoticed and long forgotten opportunities to change our world; we have simply become too busy and preoccupied to pay any attention to them.

In my own life I’d love to ride against the grain of world politics, to defy the very meaning of self-gratification in opening my hands in a selfless expression of kindness to those in need. Kindness requires us to venture out of our comfort zones, to foster a spirit of generosity that is not daunted by circumstances nor deterred by seeming opposition. In essence, kindness requires a prompting to act. May I never dismiss an opportunity to act, to encourage, to bless, to inspire and to raise the wearied head of a fellow traveler, for isn’t that the very essence of life?