learn to understand people

now when it comes to my family… I learned I know them like no other.

especially when working out differences between sisters.

now if only I could take this newfound knowledge and apply it to everyone.

lets see how it will work.

changed my major to psychology.

hopefully that should help.

learn to accept people

??

well i took all the hints completely wrong.
but thats a good thing.

shiit, how was i suppose to know. i thought she had like a boyfriend.
haha

buttt, i wonder if everything she told me to tell the other girl, are things she really wanted to tell to me.

aw that would be cute
shes adorable.

thank you teahouse.
ahhhh.

so much fun awaiting.

so i completely understand now. about this particular person.
‘lonely’ is a commonly used word. and we all know what its about when people use it. every situation is clear, you just try to cover your eyes. to whatever it is.

i am not going to be wrapped around your finger. nor am i going to get you wrapped around mine.
fair is fair. and thats that.

another person: trv…
yeah, um is was nothing real and pure. we didnt have a friendship. it was sexual. and i missed out on what we/i could of had.
but know i know, oh i know so much.
so thanks for that.
dont everfucking try to blame SHIT on me.
ha, youre not even worth it.

peace.

so this is what i have been learning/observing about myself.
and i cannot believe it took me this long to start to see it…

so i live my life by planning everything out. when things arent planned out, then i stress, i think life will go uncontrollably wrong.
so i plan out every situation before it happens, how its going to go, what i am going to stay, what i am going to do.. stuff like that.
but it NEVER goes how i think or plan of expect.
neverrr.

the things that i see to actually do, what keeps me going in my life have all be last minute decisions.

i am not sure if that makes sense.. but its hard for me to word right now.

and i have learned i hold on to nothing, for no reason. for way to long. and i keep the same expectations regardless of the situations occurs.

i need to stop. stop thinking ahead, stop caring so much for pointless things. just stop.

and unfortunately…i realizing all of this made me think that i would kinda have a new outlook on life, do something about it, go for it, move on, something, anything. ..
but no. i still feel the same.

so i was thinking…
and it seems like a lot of ‘kids’ these days really are racist and not accepting..
for instance, when i am trying to make new friends or whatever, i dont judge AT ALL whether they are black, mexican, indian, gay, straight, not sure, fat, handicapped, or anything!

but look at all the ‘cliques’ out there.. like really..
no matter how much you claim that you dont judge.. its clear that so many people do..
their preferences and all that.. like, really?

it really just boggles my mind.. isnt it time for us to be loving?!
has anyone learned from the past?

-so if i were to have kids.. they are going to be raised loving everyone. hate wont be a word in my house.. as corny as that sounds.
but even the bums.. they arent going to grow up with the thought of like hating or thinking less of them.
people are people.
we should all be equal.
really!

its about fucking time.

this is just an observation.. and i know its not politically correct or anything… but i am saying what i want to say.

i have noticed lately that big girls seem to be way more social and use nicer and more welcoming words…

i have been meeting a few people recently, online and at coffee shops and what not, and out of all the people i have met, the bigger girls have been more easy to talk to, they start the conversation, thank god cause i am not good at that, and they use words that are veryy nice make me comfortable… i dont know how to really explain it.

as opposed to the other people that may be more attractive, but they suck at social skills and make things awkward..
take me for example.. i think i am kinda cute, but i cant start a conversation, or keep one for more than 5 minutes, and i never know what to say and always feel intimidated..

i dont know.. i was just thinking of that.. and when i think about it long enough, it makes sense to me.. but i just dont know how to word it …
but its veryy interesting..
and kinda disappointing in a few aspects…

people can be so rude..

people all have different expectations.
some people may have what i need.
i may feel whole and complete with a person, but that doesnt mean that they feel that way too.
and if i have to force, or say something to get them to say what i want to hear, then its not true. it not genuine.
so its not worth it.

people are all different. but the same rules apply.

THE SAME RULES APPLY. remember that leslie….

you cant always run to people for happiness…

especially the people i know.

theyre only worried about themselves…