express what I feel

emotionally worn out… It has been a long weekend of pounding from all directions… I should be use to it by now but it really took a lot out of me this time… I am numb “for lack of a better word”... I know I just have to snap out of it… Like a big clap right in front of my face…”SMACK” ... It normally takes a bit to clear my head again and get back to what I call normal…

I opened up and let go the other day…. It takes deep emotion for me to break out into tears… I think it was a combination of releasing fear from the past few days and the bottomless emotion of listening to the lyrics of the song that just sent me over the edge…. It was much more than just a cry… Affirmation of feelings that have been building up for weeks and weeks…. Letting go of everything even for just a few minutes and letting it out…. I can count on one hand how many times I have let go like that in my adult life…. I will never forget the emotions that came out that day!

that I am an understanding man… I except things for face value and do everything I can to understand the hows and whys… I can shut down my feelings about something until I know what the reality of the situation is… I never really thought about this before but I have done this for many years… If after I understand the situations I see there is a reason to be upset then and only then I allow the emotion… The only time when I cannot control my feelings is when I feel attacked or backed into a corner… Kind of like an animal I fight and lash back without thinking… That is something I want to learn to change… I want to be is a strong stable understanding man in every situation… The people I love deserve nothing less…

Full of hope… Happy for the first time in so many years… Relaxed and free from negative thoughts… Open to what life has in store for me… Deeply passionate about my lover… I love my kids and they know it… it is like I am able to dream again… I have so much life in front of me… now it is time to dream like a little boy… Dream