be happier

My work makes me happy. Work makes me happy everyday and not just because I enjoy what I’m doing, but I adore the people I work with. I am definitely happier than I was this time last year so in many ways I have accomplished this goal.

Still, it troubles me that I’m so much happier with my work but other aspects of my life still cause me a great deal of stress, stress that’s become increasingly difficult to manage.

I have many good things going for myself, I know I am fortunate and I’ve very grateful for that, but I want to be happy. I want be happy or simply content with all aspects of my life whether it happens because of change in my situation or change in how I view my situation.

I have this terrible habit of making myself feel bad, by looking at friends pages and, get this, actually let where I am on their friends list get to me! Seriously, how ridiculous is that? I wish I was better than that, but I’m really not.

I do let it get to me because I’m always thinking, “Well, am I doing something wrong to not be a better friend?”, “Is there something I could be doing bette? Am I focusing too much on my boyfriend?” and better yet “Why am I below so-and-so?”.

I’ve got character issues. I don’t know why I do it to myself. I try to do something else, like draw, play a game, but I stop…I don’t know why I stop. Is it that it takes too much time? ..that really makes no sense. It’s like a hobby of mine to see how miserable I can make myself without leaving my room. Guh.

Yes, yes, be happier. God, I feel like so many of my problems would be solved if I only had a car. Then I could actually go out and socialize without making my friends take the hour long drive to come see me. Rah! I need to shake this guilt off, it’s not helping!

I suppose it helps to just rant, but that doesn’t leave anyone, necessarily happier. Just neutral. Ooooh well, I know things could be worse :P

Right now I want nothing more than to be at peace, and HAPPY with what I have. I need to get over this feeling of wanting to fix my situation. I tend to make things more complicated than I should.

I will appreciate what I have, realize my situation is only temporary and will pass in due course, and that the people that truly care and love me will stick around. Right now, that is my bliss.