I’m 30. I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck since I was just out of highschool. I’ve mostly worked clerical and administrative jobs, and you know what? I am better than that.
I have had a really bad year, and I can’t say it isn’t in some part my own fault for being a coward, for being lazy. But I’m a people person; I need to have good people around me, and I sort of grew up in an environment (a very socially manipulative religious organization) that kind of forced me to break away from it and blaze my own trail in young adulthood.
Furthermore, I’ve always thought that your personal interests (not to be confused with just being selfish) and your close friends and family should come first, not your career.
I’m an artist and a musician, and that’s mostly where I focused myself. But in looking back, sure a lot of it was just that it takes a lot of people a long time to figure out what to do with their lives, but I was just lazy and scared. Mostly scared of not having enough time to be around the people I liked, so making a mediocre income doing dumb jerk jobs seemed okay to me.
But now I’m working two jobs in order to get by and save some money. I’ve had savings before, but it would always get up to a few hundred, and then dwindle.
I’ve had the good fortune lately of having something like an epiphany to let me know that, since I like to keep my most cherished interests to myself (like writing and playing music), that I had to still put my real self out on the chopping block, so to speak, and use it as part of my career. I’ve gotten back in school and I’m studying graphic design. I mostly want to be an illustrator.
I’ve learned a lot more about what it really means to work. I guess it’s a work ethic. God I sound so square, but now I just kinda get it more. If you even bother having a job at all, why not do the best at it that you can?
Anyway, my two jobs are both of the just “get by” kind. It’s not like I want to be rich or anything, but I want to be good at something and feel confident. I’d say that I don’t even care if I make more money, but well…heh, I am pretty broke. I got rid of my car, and I live in a cramped little one-bedroom house.
As far as my schooling goes studying design and so forth, I’m kind of just barely starting out taking two night classes learning the basics on Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop.
I tried working an illustration job, but it turned out really to be almost more like construction and manual labor for a company that made big props for fancy parties. I did do some painting (which I’m not so great at anyway) and I even designed a model for a prop for a christmas party, but it didn’t work out, it was a really strange job, and I was just too new to the business. This was before I had started school, too. I didn’t know how to work illustrator hardly at all, and I think if I had, it might have saved me.
I came home pretty exhausted most of the time, and usually covered with paint.
But I keep on trying. I’ve been through seven jobs in the past year. It’s been that bad. I voluntarily left one, but I was let go from three of them, and I’m currently working two.
Why three thousand dollars?
A few hundred is too easy to “accidentally” spend all of, thinking that you’re going to put it back really soon. Three thousand is a lot. I hardly have any saved right now. Less than $100, even. But I’m determined.
I might move to a different state, I’m considering Seattle. If I do that, I’m going to have to find a place to live and be able to support myself, possibly before I even have a new job yet.
I want to go back to school on a more full-time basis, as well. $3000 may not be a whole lot in that respect, but it sure is better than nothing.
Basically, I have a lot of work to do. I just can’t live like this any more. Having a decent amount of money saved; money in case I’m unexpectedly unemployed again, money to quit a job and find a better one, money to help me through school while I work part time, money to move to a new city, or money to just sit on and collect interest with.
I need to do it. My goal is to have it by september, which is going to really be some feat, as I don’t make a lot of money. But it needs to be done.